My 2017

Not entirely exclusively of course, but it's going to be my focus.

December Words of Wisdom

Some people walk into your life as a blessing. Others walk out of your life and it feels like one. --Steve Wentworth

Mermaids never lose sleep over the opinion of shrimp. --Unknown

For what it's worth: It's never too late, or in my case, too early to be whoever you want to be. There's no time limit, stop whenever you want. You can change or stay the same, there are no rules to this thing. We can make the best or worst of it. I hope you make the best of it. --F. Scott Fitzgerald

Softness does not equal weakness. It takes courage to stay delicate in a world that is sometimes cruel. --Ashley Galvin

Maybe you should eat some makeup so you can be pretty on the inside, too. --Unknown

The moment you start acting like life is a blessing, it starts feeling like one. --Unknown

Do what is right for you. No one else is walking in your shoes. --Unknown

You don't really understand an antagonist until you understand why he's a protagonist in his own version of the world. --John Rogers

The fact is, I don't know where my ideas come from. Nor does any writer. The only real answer is to drink way too much coffee and buy yourself a desk that doesn't collapse when you beat your head against it. --Douglas Adams

Keep writing. Even if you think it's terrible, keep writing; you will only get better with practice. And learn to finish the things you begin, because the ending is the hardest part. --Lucy Saxon

Real situations always expose fake people. --Trent Shelton

If you want to see the truth, you must be big enough to look. --Rune Lazuli

A pessimist is somebody who complains about the noise when opportunity knocks. --Oscar Wilde

Nothing that happens to a writer - however happy, however tragic - is ever wasted. --PD James

Have regrets. They are fuel. On the page they flare into desire. --Geoff Dyer

Creating is inventing, experimenting, growing, taking risks, breaking rules, making mistakes, and having fun. --Mary Lou Cook

Censorship is the tool of those who have the need to hide actualities from themselves and from others. --Charles Bukowski

The era of the pajama boy is over on January 20th and the alpha males are back. --Dr. Sebastian Gorka

The beautiful part of writing is that you don't have to get it right the first time, unlike, say, a brain surgeon. --Robert Cormier

The winner was NOT decided by a racist and craven nation - it was decided by millions of disgusted Americans desperate for real change. The people did not want a politician. The people wanted to be seen. Donald Trump convinced those people that he could see them. Hillary Clinton did not. --Mike Rowe

There is nothing in the world so irresistibly contagious as laughter and good humor. --Charles Dickens

It's truly astonishing that some guy hiding in the Ecuadorean Embassy did more for truth in this election than all of the American press. --James Woods

Never underestimate the power of human stupidity. --Robert A. Heinlein

I am free because I know that I am morally responsible for everything I do. --Robert A. Heinlein

Your heart knows the way, run in that direction. --Rumi

We will show the whole world how proud we are to be American. --President-Elect Donald Trump

Have no fear of perfection - you'll never reach it. --Salvador Dali

Trust takes years to build, seconds to break, forever to repair. So think twice about trusting a person who has let you down more than twice. Once was a warning, twice was a lesson and anything more is taking advantage. --Unknown

To get on with animals you must have a sense of humor. --Saki (Hector Hugh Monro)

It's okay if you're the only one who can hear the music of your soul. Dance to it anyway! --Sue Krebs

It takes a lot of time being a genius, you have to sit around so much, doing nothing. --Gertrude Stein

Ask your heart what's right and follow it. --Arny Mindell

You will never be able to escape from your heart. So it's better to listen to what it has to say. --Paulo Coelho

Because we can all use a good laugh after the past couple of days...

Via Twitter: The queen of photobombs!

 Look closer...

BEST. QUEEN. EVER.

I get a kick out of the old gal...I mean Her Highness.

Fex-Ex "Gripe Sheet" is hilarious

This was posted by The Federalist Papers on FB. According to the comments, this may have been going around for a while and attributed to various sources. Regardless of where it came from, it is hilarious.

So the story goes that after every flight, Fed-Ex pilots fill out what is referred to as a "gripe sheet" detailing any issues they had with the aircraft. The mechanics charged with fixing the problems are apparently comedians. Here are some of their responses. And here are some of my personal favorites:

Words of Wisdom - Carrie Fisher edition

"Stay afraid but do it anyway. What's important is the action. You don't have to wait to be confident. Just do it and the confidence will follow." --Carrie Fisher

Photo snicked from lucasfilm.com.

Carrie Fisher passed away this morning at the age of 60. Who would have thought that as far and away the youngest of the original Star Wars trio, that she would be the first to die.

I only just saw her one-woman show Wishful Drinking a couple months ago (on DVD) and was impressed how she could find such entertainment and humor in what was not always a happy or healthy life. Her biography is well-known enough that I don't need to repeat it here, but in addition to her fame and the Hollywood privilege she was born into, the woman dealt with a lot demons. She was a survivor and will be missed by a lot of people. I only wish she had at least lived long enough to survive her mother - having to bury your child has got to be the worst thing imaginable, regardless of their age.

TCM has had to update its 2016 "In Memoriam" segment twice, to add Zsa Zsa Gabor and now Carrie. We've got four days left, here's hoping they don't need to update it again.

Updated 12/28/16: This tweet says it all:

Updated 12/28/16: You can't make this stuff up - the day after Carrie's death, her mother Debbie Reynolds has died. Singin' in the Rain was one of the greatest things ever. I think everyone knew Carrie's death would be crushing for her, but not this fast. Condolences to everyone involved.

TCM Remembers 2016

Turner Classic Movie's annual memorial is predictably - and reliably - beautiful and heartbreaking. We lost some good ones this year. A couple days ago while watching TCM I noticed that they added Zsa Zsa Gabor in at the end, right before Gene Wilder (she's not in this original version, which was created prior to her recent death). Here's hoping they don't have to add Carrie Fisher at the last minute. 2016 has been brutal in celebrity deaths.

Updated 12/27/16: Unfortunately they had to add another one in today - RIP Carrie Fisher.

Updated 12/28/16: You can't make this stuff up - the day after Carrie's death, her mother Debbie Reynolds has died. Singin' in the Rain was one of the greatest things ever. I think everyone knew Carrie's death would be crushing for her, but not this fast. Condolences to everyone involved.

Merry Christmas to all

Be on the lookout!

A Christmas alert from the LAPD.

Merry Christmas to all, and to all a good night!

Venus Flytrap Claus

This is really bizarre...but also funny as hell. Enjoy!

H/T to Reggie Dunlop on Twitter for the link.

Christmas on!

Joy to the world!!!

This is one of the neatest things ever! So beautiful!

Possibly the best cat video ever

Sophie won't eat cat treats, but I still have to give Temptations props for this. Having lived through it, I can vouch for how perfectly they nailed the 1980's MTV music video aesthetic. NAILED. IT.

Enjoy!!!

That old Disney magic

One of the things I learned on my trip to New Orleans is that when a ship (or in the case of my trip, a steamboat) sounds off, it's not just a random series of horn blasts.

On the Steamboat Natchez cruise (highly recommended by the way) we were informed that the boat announces its departure with one long blast of the steam whistle, followed by three bells, then another long blast of the steam whistle. When approaching the dock upon her return, the Natchez sounds off with this series of whistles: one long, two short, one long, two short.

Which brings us to this battle of the horns:

What can you do, Liberty of the Seas? Disney's gonna Disney!

H/T to Islands Magazine on Facebook for this one!

Update: Looks like cruise ship horn battles are an actual thing. Having never been on a cruise, I had no idea. Here are a bunch more to check out! Kiss the next few hours goodbye!

Still one of the greatest things ever

The Silent Monks performing at a Christmas show.

MasterClass just keeps upping their game

The online school that numbers James Patterson (writing), Aaron Sorkin (screenwriting), Kevin Spacey and Dustin Hoffman (acting), Serena Williams (tennis), Christina Aguilera, Usher and Reba McEntire (music) and Gordon Ramsey (cooking) among its instructors has hit another grand slam: you can now learn TV writing from non-other than Shonda Rhimes (Grey's Anatomy, Scandal, Private Practice). Ninety bucks and Shonda Rhimes is your instructor. Do it.

Hey, it's another Foamy the Squirrel rant! No Christmas for you!

Too many quotable lines in this one to pick just one for the caption.

More Foamy the Squirrel can be found here, yuppie scum.

Ain't it the truth

Politically Correct Christmas : Foamy The Squirrel

I love Foamy the Squirrel.

 

Now that's a rant. Also...CHRISTMAS!!!

More Foamy here, if you're interested.

A dog's Christmas

Have some tissues ready.

Merry Christmas

In the old days, it was not called the Holiday Season; the Christians called it "Christmas" and went to church, the Jews called it "Hanukkah" and went to synagogue, the atheists went to parties and drank. People passing each other on the street would say "Merry Christmas!" or "Happy Hanukkah" or (to the atheists) "Look out for the wall!" --Dave Barry

How one Hollywood family spends Christmas Eve and Christmas Day...

A heartwarming Christmas with Joan and the kids, including future best-selling author Christina.

"I always see to it they give up something they really love..."

Moar vet bills!!!

Sophie's getting a bit high maintenance in her old age (she's 11). She went in last Friday for her annual exam and while everything else is okay, a couple of her teeth had issues that couldn't be corrected and had to come out. Unfortunately one of the teeth they took was her last remaining canine. One had come out on its own last year, and two more were lost during last year's dental surgery.

Sophie's vet is VCA Marina Animal Hospital in Venice and if you're in the area I highly recommend them. After she comes out of surgery, they text a picture of her in recovery.

Hi Mom!!! My Dental Went Well,
I Can't Wait To See you!

I get to pick her up in about an hour. It will be nice to have her home.

Kids learning to read and shelter dogs - your feel-good story of the day

What a great idea - a Missouri animal shelter has launched a program in which local children can practice reading to shelter dogs, to the benefit of both the kids and the dogs. From the linked article:

The program finds children who need practice reading aloud, or those with fear of audiences, and asks them to volunteer at their shelter.

The only thing they need to bring is a book (or several!) of their own choosing.

The children then simply sit in front of a kennel with a dog they want to read to, and begin reading from their book. They are able to practice reading and public speaking in a nonjudgmental environment, and the dogs are able to slowly adjust to the presence of humans.

Adorable pic snicked from the linked article.

Klepacki, who is the assistant director of the Missouri Humane Society, said that the goal of the program is to get the dog, who at the beginning of the reading is usually crouched in the back of their kennel, to have walked to the front and to be sitting directly in front of the child by the time the reading is over.

Dogs that stay near the front of their kennel get adopted more quickly, so this practice often helps them find a home faster.

H/T to The Write Life on Facebook for the link.

And "The Spirit of Christmas" version 2.0

This is the "Christmas card" version that brought Matt and Trey to the attention of Comedy Central, and the rest is history.

Oh, and language alert!

"Your birthday is on Christmas? That sucks, dude!"

"The Spirit of Christmas", original recipe

The video that was a precursor to The Spirit of Christmas, which as we all know went on to beget South Park.

But you know, I learned something today...

Santas getting whipped into shape for the holidays!

This is hilarious. Language alert!

Letter To Santa : Foamy The Squirrel

Foamy the Squirrel's poetic and and somewhat unhinged letter to Santa.

More Foamy here.

Father of the Year contender right here

Thanks to The Write Life on Facebook for the heads-up on this article about this Instagram account: Things I have drawn. From the article:

Dom is six and he likes to draw. He even has his own Instagram account where he puts all his favorite pictures. But that's not the end of the story, because once he's finished with his mini masterpieces, his dad then recreates their real world counterparts with a dose of digital magic and a little bit of humor.

I'm pretty sure my favorite is Dom's take on a shark leaping from the sea:

That is parenting at its finest. Do check out the Instagram feed, it's both adorable and hilarious.

Hallelujah!