This is the post I never wanted to write.
Sophie started visibly deteriorating about a week and a half ago. I ended up skipping the L.A. Times Festival of Books to keep an eye on her.
Tuesday she went to the vet. Her rapidly declining mobility issues were attributed to arthritis. She got a painkiller shot and put on another daily painkiller, along with a couple other things due to what came back on her labs. The hope was to ease her discomfort and hopefully give her some more quality time. But the fact was she wasn't going to bounce back this time.
On Thursday I kept telling myself to give the meds time to work, that I couldn't expect instantaneous results. But she kept deteriorating and Friday night I had her with me in bed all night, and she was visibly uncomfortable. About every hour or so she would get up, eat, drink water, then hit the cat box. But every time she got back on the bed (with my help, she couldn't make the jump anymore), she couldn't get comfortable, repeatedly getting up and repositioning herself, and worst of all she just laid there, eyes open, not sleeping. I actually dozed off a couple of time during the night, but I never saw her sleeping. I almost got up a couple times during the night to take her to the emergency vet to put her out of her misery. A cat who doesn't sleep is not a well cat.
I've always said that I could recognize a quality of life for her, and if she was still herself. Over the past 4-5 years, there have been multiple times I'd take her to the vet fearing this would be the last time, this would be the moment I would be told she'd reached the end of the line. Each time she proved me wrong. But I've always recognized her quality of life, and that she was still herself. I saw neither of those things during and after that long Friday night.
Saturday morning I called my vet. I explained that we'd reached the end of life. They were booked all weekend, which left the option of dragging her to the 24 hour emergency vet, a minimum 20 minutes away depending on traffic. They referred me to a company that would come to our home to administer euthanasia.
I'd heard of services like that, but in my concern for Sophie and becoming increasing distraught over her condition, I hadn't thought to ask about it. Thankfully, the vet's office made the recommendation and after all was said and done, thank God for Hearts and Halos.
I called at noon, and Dr. Sarah came over at 2pm. I can't even begin to describe how compassionate and amazing she was. Having Dr. Sarah there to ease Sophie into her next life was like having a friend along side to ease both Sophie and I through the process. It wasn't at all like a having a stranger come to your home. The process was explained in advance, and the doctor was all love and compassion for this animal and owner she'd just met under the worst of circumstances. It went so smoothly. There was no drama. Within minutes Sophie just slipped from earthly pain into oblivion.
I will say this: although it was hideously expensive, I'm glad I did the in-home euthanasia. It was such minimal stress and fuss for Sophie compared to putting her in the carrier (which she hated), taking her to the vet (which she hated) and being in a strange and frightening place with strangers and other animals at the end. Having one person walk into the room didn't faze her and it all went very smoothly. She was on the bed and that's where it happened. Totally worth the money if you can do it when the time comes for it to be done. I would do it again. I look at it as the last vet bill I will ever have for her.
On the downside, I miss her like crazy. Amazing how quiet the place is, and so alone without her presence. Too quiet and too alone. She was my constant companion for almost the last twenty years of my life and one of the best souls I've ever known. It's going to be a while before I can cope with the loss. I will miss her forever.
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| No waiting for you, Little Missy. Step right up for your well-deserved eternal reward. |
The day after I had to let her go, this popped up on FB. So true:
Sophie was an angel.

























