Want to take a writing class taught by Agatha Christie? Of course you do, and so do I.

BBC Maestro, which I would describe as a British version of MasterClass, has brought the Queen of Mystery back to life to share her writing secrets: Writing with Agatha Christie.

From the course description:

 

The course has been curated by leading Christie scholars Dr Mark Aldridge, Michelle Kazmer, Gray Robert Brown, and Jamie Bernthal-Hooker, who have painstakingly reconstructed Agatha’s philosophy on writing, using her own words.

 

For the first time, audiences will hear Agatha Christie impart her insights on story structure, cast creation, plot twists, red herrings, and the art of suspense, drawn directly from her own writings and archival interviews.

According to this Deadline article, the BBC used a combination of AI and actress Vivien Keene to bring Christie to life. The course consists of 11 lessons and 12 exercises, and runs 2-1/2 hours. You can purchase the course as a stand-alone for $89, or subscribe to BBC Maestro for $120 for all-access for a year, which also provides courses from live people including Lee Child, Ken Follett, Harlan Coben, Bill Lawrence, Brian Cox, Sir Tim Rice, Mark Ronson, and that's just in the creative arts. They also offer courses in Food & Drink, Business, Wellness, and Art & Design.

I have two college classes (complete with live professors) going on right now, but I'm thinking once the semester is completed this will be my next course.

I also think it will be interesting to see how people react to the idea of someone like Christie being recreated by AI. AI itself is an extremely touchy issue with a lot of people, especially writers. Given the people behind it and the apparent care put into it, I'm willing to at least give this a shot. I guess I'll find out how I feel about it this summer.

Recent reading: "Behind the Door"

Behind the Door: The Dark Truths and Untold Stories of the Cecil Hotel 

by Amy Price

I picked this up at the L.A. Times Festival of Books last month after seeing Price on a historic L.A. panel. Price was the general manager of the notorious Cecil Hotel in downtown Los Angeles near Skid Row for ten years. In spite of the hotel's depressing location and often tragic history, she fell in love with the place, hoping that the gentrification of DTLA would reach it and restore it to its former glory. 

When Price arrived at the Cecil in 2007 it already had a checkered past. Built as a luxury hotel, its fortunes had fallen decades earlier as it deteriorated along with the area. Numerous deaths - both suicides and homicides - occurred at the Cecil. At least two serial killers (Richard Ramirez, aka the Night Stalker - and Jack Unterweger) had called the Cecil home during the commission of their crimes. 

Price - then a jewelry designer and aspiring interior decorator - was originally hired by a friend to help give the Cecil a hipster update to bring the hotel back to life. This was complicated by a number of long-term residents who were more reflective of the Skid Row neighborhood than the Cecil's former glory. Other issues had to do with the hotel's design - many rooms did not have their own bathrooms or showers, requiring the use of communal facilities, and the Cecil also had neither heat nor air conditioning. The residents had been relocated to just a couple of lower floors, while Stay on Main, as the hotel aspect was dubbed, utilized non-resident floors. And for a while, Stay worked as a popular, dirt-cheap, hipster hostel. However, when summer arrived the lack of AC became a major issue, and Stay's reviews began to reflect the disenchanted guests. 

 

Then came the Elisa Lam case. When LAPD failed to locate the missing young woman, they released security video of Elisa behaving oddly in a Cecil elevator and the case became an internet sensation. Several weeks later Elisa was found on the premises, and the Cecil became world-infamous as the hotel where the missing girl turned up in its water tank after guests complained about issues with water, including low pressure, filth, and a weird taste.

After ten years at the Cecil, attempting to restore the hotel and manage its colorful residents, Price was relieved of her duties by new ownership. She embarked on a successful interior decorating career and an unsuccessful marriage. Then Netflix came calling about a planned documentary about the Cecil Hotel, and Price, led to believe that Elisa Lam wouldn't be the focus and eager to let the world know there was more to the hotel than the girl in the water tank, signed up to participate.

 

One thing I remember about the resulting docuseries Crime Scene: The Vanishing at the Cecil Hotel, is that I thought it was a major cheat that Lam's mental illness and her issues with her medications weren't brought up until late in the story, instead suggesting several theories of who murdered Lam when it turned out she wasn't really a murder victim. And not only did the show focus on the Lam case, it also gave some viewers the impression that Price was possibly suspect in Lam's death, or that she may have tampered with the infamous elevator video footage. When the show debuted, Price's life was turned upside down. She received vicious and even threatening messages online by people obsessed with the Lam case.

 

Fortunately, Price came through the ordeal a self-described stronger person. She showed a great deal of compassion toward the Cecil's unfortunate residents during her tenure, but seems to have made her peace with the whole experience. Today, the Cecil Hotel has been repurposed as a low-income housing facility.

 

From the book (discussing the "tragedy tourism" triggered by the Elisa Lam case:

 

But booking a stay to be closer to tragedy paled in comparison to the weird performances spawned by Elisa's death. Once, I got a call from someone at the Pacific Electric Building telling me there was a man playing the guitar on top of one of the water tanks. It was ten o'clock at night. The man had risked his life to put on this show. He'd had to climb the fire escape up to the top of a 150-foot building, just as Elisa had most likely done.

Now, now, don't go giving Hollywood any ideas...

From The Babylon Bee, George Orwell's 1984 updated for the (echo voice) MODERN...AUDIENCE:

 

From the article:

"We felt like it was time to update the story to fit a modern audience," Sony producer Glen Maxwell told reporters. "After seeing how censorship and totalitarianism have grown in popularity over the past few years, we think Big Brother is probably a better protagonist than Winston Smith. Big Brother's insistence on absolute compliance fits better with current progressive ideals."

 

The more I think about it, the more the idea of a story about some Hollywood filmmakers making this exact version of 1984 because they think that's what the people want to see sounds like a great parody. Now that's movie I'd watch.

You Know Who Works in mysterious ways, again

Don't try to tell me God doesn't have a wicked (tee-hee!) sense of humor: Drunk dumbass steals statue of St. Michael the Archangel, gets stabbed by angel's sword.

Eff around with an archangel, find out.

Poetic justice.

 

The guy was seriously injured. The sword got him in the neck. I love this final line in the article: The statue of St. Michael the Archangel was unharmed. Of course he was.

I noticed that this story is actually from January, but it just popped up on my social media feed for some reason. That makes me wonder - did the guy recover? Did it have an effect on him? Did he change his evil ways?

Pic snicked from linked article.

Story fodder galore!

This popped up on my Facebook feed today: 23 Shocking Secrets Revealed About People After Their Deaths. AKA 23 potential story ideas, right writers? Look at you BuzzFeed, making yourself useful!

Hey horror writers - this one showed up in my inbox this morning: You can win a scholarship to a Horror Writing Retreat in a Haunted French Castle! Talk about ambience:

 

The medieval French castle, Château Marouatte, where the Horror Retreat will be held, is a 700-year-old castle, hidden deep within ancient woodland, where British and French royalty have also stayed...

What's so haunted about it, you may ask? Well, crystals mysteriously appear in rooms overnight; coloured orbs fly around the interior of certain towers; ghostly faces appear in bathroom mirrors, and the noise of the clanking of chains being dragged across bedroom floors can be heard from time to time... what more do you need to inspire (or terrify!) you, when you're writing a Horror Script?!

Although several rooms are haunted, non-haunted rooms are also available for the faint of heart...

 

It's open to all horror writers regardless of whether you're writing a novel, screenplay, or TV pilot. Make it quick though - they're only taking applications through November 23.

 

Happy Haunting Writing!

I wondered where this came from...

So this turned up in my email yesterday:

I didn't know who "AIscreenplaycompetition.com" was or how they got my email address, but I found out this morning: it's good old Scriptapalooza. And boy oh boy, was the blowback quick: Artificial Intelligence Screenplay Competition Opens & Quickly Closes. They've also already taken their website down.

That didn't take long.

With the WGA embroiled in a lengthy strike where one of the key issues is AI, I'm kind of surprised anyone thought this was a good idea. I've already seen a couple of calls for submissions in the short story market where the rules include "NO AI", including one where they mentioned that not only can they spot a story written in AI, but if you submit one they will never consider another submission from you again, ever. So yeah, AI is a sore subject among writers, so again, not sure why this was even considered. 

I haven't played around with AI, ChatGPT, or anything like this (in fact, I'd completely forgotten about this and I wrote a blog post about it), but from a writer's POV it doesn't seem like this is something we want to embrace. Time will tell, but if nothing else, this was really bad timing given the WGA strike. I still think highly of Scriptapalooza - they've been around forever and I've never heard anything negative about them before this debacle - but they really bungled this. That black eye may take some time to heal.

Update 7/8/23: Got this in the email, this time clearly from Scriptapalooza, not AIscreenplaycompetition.com:

Ladies and gentleman, the leader of the free world. If by free world, you mean clown world.

No joke. This is the text of Joe Biden's remarks on the school shooting in Nashville. I transcribed it myself, but you can see it here via ABC News starting at the 6:45 mark. It was like watching the guy warming up an audience for the headliner. How someone could joke and laugh at a time like this is inexplicable to me. Just sickening.

Applause. Biden at podium, smiling.

 

BIDEN: My name is Joe Biden.

 

AUDIENCE: Laughter.

 

BIDEN: I'm Dr. Jill Biden's husband

AUDIENCE: Laughter.

BIDEN: And I eat Jeni's ice cream, chocolate chip.

AUDIENCE: Laughter.

BIDEN: I came down because I heard there was chocolate chip ice cream.

AUDIENCE: Laughter.

BIDEN: By the way, I have a whole refrigerator full upstairs. 

AUDIENCE: Laughter

BIDEN (Grinning): You think I'm kidding? I'm not. Ben, how are you pal? One of the best guys in the United States Congress, Ben Cardin.

 

AUDIENCE: Whoops and applause.

BIDEN: Folks, uh, welcome to the White House. It's a delight to have you all here. And who are those cool looking kids back there? 

AUDIENCE: Laughter.

BIDEN: They're your kids, all four of 'em? Well stand up, guys.

KIDS STAND.

AUDIENCE: Applause.

 

BIDEN: Well, I want you to know, like you, I had two brothers, there were three in our family, three brothers, and one sister. My sister is smarter than all of us. 

 

AUDIENCE: Laughter.

 

BIDEN: Not a joke, she used to be three years younger than me, now she's twenty-three years younger than me.  

AUDIENCE: Laughter.

BIDEN: Yeah, she managed every one of my campaigns for office, even back when I was in high school. We went to the same university two years apart, she graduated with honors, I graduated.

AUDIENCE: Laughter.

BIDEN: And we had a simple rule in the family: listen to Val. 

AUDIENCE: Laughter.

BIDEN: My sister Valerie's incredible, so guys, be nice to your sister, your gonna need her. You're gonna need her, I promise. It's the same lineup. (POINTS) You're the oldest? Who's number two? (KID RAISES HAND) Number two? Who's number three? (KID RAISES HAND). You're twins, are you guys twins? (UNINTELLIGIBLE) Okay, alright, this is how it was in our outfit. Well, I'm so glad to see you all, thanks for coming with mom, okay? Gotta take care of your mom. Dad's are much harder to raise, but you know...

AUDIENCE: Laughter.

BIDEN: Before I begin to speak, the reason I spent a little time with the kids, I just wanted to speak very briefly about the school shooting in Nashville, Tennessee...

Yes, two minutes and twenty seconds into his Comedy Store audition, he finally wants to speak very briefly about the school shooting. What a leader. And no, I don't care what was already scheduled, if you're the president, you don't joke around when something terrible has happened. I just don't know how someone can yuck it up when they're about to discuss something so awful. I came down here because chocolate chip ice cream. Jesus Christ.

Also, notice they turned off comments on the Biden video? Guessing I wasn't the only person appalled and offended by the jokester approach to a national tragedy.

We deserve better.

Those who forget the past...

First they came for Roald Dahl and Ian Fleming. Now they're after Agatha Christie. 

This reminds me of the "warning" on some of the classic Warner Bros. animation DVDs. For some reason they recruited Whoopi Goldberg to give viewers a condescending reminder that the cartoons are products of their time, like we're too stupid to know that. So we get this puerile lesson in how prejudice and stereotypes "were wrong then, and they're wrong now." No shit, Sherlock. But of course, they assume that us peasants can't see these things for what they were and we need to be lectured about things the average (non-elite) person actually knows instinctively and doesn't need to be reminded of every time we sit down to try and enjoy a damn cartoon.

 

The people who want you to believe that up is down, good is bad, morality is evil, and 2 + 2 = 5 don't think we can figure out for ourselves that things change, that the world was a different place when these cartoons were produced, and that for a period that world was embroiled in a devastating war. The difference back then, of course, is that Hollywood took the patriotic, flag-waving path in an attempt to unite the country and keep its spirits up, instead of trashing it.

Which brings us to the current trend of re-writing classic works for "modern sensibilities". 

Both Christie and Dahl lived and wrote in a completely different time and place. Any idiot who isn't focused on forcing their beliefs down the throats of others can simply and quietly understand that, and enjoy the works for their entertainment value.

Luckily, the comments section on the Deadline article linked above shows that this isn't a popular movement and that there is still some sanity in this crazy world:

 

 

THIS:

You know who tried to warn us about this? This guy. He wrote a book about it...oh, shit. Wait until the wokesters get a look at 1984.

You did, George. You called it. Unfortunately for those of us in 2023, you called it.

Behold the meme of memes!!!

I don't know where this originated, but I've been seeing it all over the interwebs today. And the craziest part is...IT'S TRUE!!! I mean, just imagine...

Heck, forget 1990, try the 1980's. In case you're too young to remember:

I guess there's something to be said for aging naturally and therefore gracefully. Says the girl woman who still gets the gray roots colored every month. But there's really nothing else to say except well done, Roseanne.

Look, I'm not unsympathetic. Getting old sucks. You don't look like the you that you feel like anymore. God knows I'm proof of that. You look at that number and can't relate to it. I get it. But what I don't get is butchering yourself and cultivating a look so unnatural that people freak out at the sight of you. And on top of that, thinking you look so great that you flaunt yourself all over the internet. Sorry you can't look like your 1980's self anymore, but who does? And it's even more impressive if Roseanne's had some work done, because she still looks like a normal, older woman. If she's had work, it was well done and she didn't overdo it. 

Seriously, if they had Oscars for memes, this one just swept all categories.

 

January Words of Wisdom

Quite the range this month. --Me 

I'll read my books and I'll drink coffee and I'll listen to music, and I'll bolt the door. --J.D. Salinger

Some people don't understand that sitting in your own house alone in peace, eating snacks and minding your business is priceless. --Tom Hardy

 

Learn the rules like a pro so you can break them like an artist. --Pablo Picasso

 

Beauty is quietly woven through our ordinary days. Everywhere there is tenderness, care, and kindness there is beauty. --John O'Donohue

Nobody can tell you if what you're doing is good, meaningful, or worthwhile. The more compelling the path, the more lonely it is. --Hugh MacLeod

 

I do my best thinking at night when everyone else is sleeping. No interruptions. No noise. I like the feeling of being awake when no one else is. --Jennifer Niven

 

Life without a design is erratic. --Seneca

 

In Greek tragedy, they fall from great heights. In noir, they fall from the curb. --Dennis Lahane

 

Don't be upset by the result you didn't get by the work you didn't do. --Unknown

 

Procrastination is like a credit card. It's a lot of fun until you get the bill. --Christopher Parker

 

You become what you give your attention to...If you yourself don't choose what thoughts and images you expose yourself to, someone else will, and their motives may not be the highest. --Epictetus

I think it's very important that you make your own decision about what you are. Therefore, you're responsible for your actions, so you don't blame other people. --William, Prince of Wales

Jealousy is the tribute mediocrity pays to genius. --Fulton J. Sheen

Toxic people project their own character defects onto their victims. They do this by accusing the victim of the exact actions they themselves do but deny. --Shannon Thomas

 

 

 

Welcome, Marty McFly!

Marty McFly arrived in 2023 yesterday. Sorry it's such a shitshow, dude.

 

 

Also, when you go back to the 80's, can you take me with you? PLEASE???

Bah Humbug

Your political overlords would like to wish you a very Merry Christmas Happy Nondenominational Gift Giving Random Day in December! Just don't ask them to do anything about the economy, inflation, gas prices, crime, the fentanyl crisis, national security, etc, peasants. They're doing just fine, and that's what matters.

The gift that keeps on taking

The stock market is plummeting, grocery prices are skyrocketing, 401k's are getting murdered and gas prices are still way high. I made two trips to the gas station in November and spent over $140 ($142.46 to be exact). This to put gas in a car that used to be filled from near-empty for around $50. 

Merry Christmas?

CSI: Sacramento

When he's not being crowned U-Haul Salesman of the Year for his role in the mass exodus of Californians worn down by Dem policies to more freedom loving states, Gavin Newsom is addressing other important issues that require his immediate attention (unlike the homeless crisis, crime, and record-high gas prices). Check this out:

 

That sound you hear is Golden State crime writers firing up their laptops. Because (all together now) what could possibly go wrong and how can I use it in a story? 

 

Kind of reminds me of this:

Thanks for the story fodder, Gavin! At least he's making himself useful to Californians for a change. 

 

Holy moly: Footage Of FBI Raid On Castle Mar-a-Lago

This is unbelievable. Unbelievably AWESOME, amirite? 

Seriously, where has the @stevenvoiceover Twitter account been all my life? Check out some of his other videos, they are hilarious! Bonus points for doing a damn good job on the Python voices.

 

H/T to Twitchy on FB for the heads-up.

 

From the Department of What Could Possibly Go Wrong and How Can I Use It in a Story?

 

Yeah, I'm adding this article to my writing notes, because it doesn't scream "dystopian society" AT ALL. *Sarcasm* (In case you didn't pick up on that.)

Bon Appetit shares my skepticism: Whole Foods Wants Your Handprints. What Could Possibly Go Wrong? From the article:

Jeff Bezos is one step closer to transforming your mortal bag of bones into a lean, mean, money-dispensing machine. The body part in question: Your hands. Amazon is rolling out its palm-scanning technology at more than 65 Whole Foods grocery stores in California over the coming weeks.

 

Customers can activate their palms by registering a handprint via an Amazon One kiosk or at checkout in participating stores. Along with a skin scan, you’ll need to offer a bank card, provide your phone number, and say “yes Jeff” to Amazon’s terms and conditions. Once set up, you can lug all the organic kale and age-defying collagen powder you like to checkout. You’ll hover a palm over the scanning device to pay—just as you would place a hand on the bible—then you’re good to go.

 

You need to read the whole article, because the author really isn't having any of this. And I'm not either. I remember writing checks at the checkstand, and really, it wasn't that hard. Now all we have to do is jam a credit card into a slot for a few seconds, and off we and our groceries go. Easy peasy. If that's too much of an inconvenience, I don't know what to tell you.

 

So apparently the way it works is that you give Amazon your unique handprint, they store it in the cloud or something like that, oh, and it's tied to your credit card. If that isn't a security breach begging to happen, I don't know what is.

 

Look, I like Whole Foods as much as the next person, but I'm also not keen on having my life turned into an episode of The Twilight Zone. So yeah, this one's a pass.

It's the anniversary of D-Day and Google is honoring the occasion on its homepage with...

...oh, wait. 

Coffee???

Why, don't you know? It's...(drumroll please)...

 

What do you mean, who's Angelo Moriondo? The hell is wrong with you? If you've heard of D-Day, surely you've heard of Angelo Moriondo, the man who gave us the espresso machine!

No? Well good thing the fine folks at Google are here to give you some education and culture.

Oh, also it's the 78th anniversary of D-Day, so thank you for saving the world from Nazis and yadda, yadda, yadda.

 

Sigh. I guess an espresso machine in action is better than the Google doodle of a burning American flag, because you know that's how they'd do it if they thought they could get away with it.

It's official: Orwell was an amateur

Apparently, Joe Biden thinks massive inflation, record high gas and food prices, a plummeting stock market, and just the suffering of non-elites in general is hilarious:

 

 

You can watch the whole God-awful exchange here if you can stomach it.

 

"Fucking Hell" is right.

CSI: Stranger Than Fiction

Remember this one? From 2018, Author of "How to Kill Your Husband" Arrested for Killing Husband.

Looks like her trial is finally getting underway. And that damning "How to Kill Your Husband" essay has been ruled inadmissible and therefore will not be presented to the jury. How's that for a plot twist?

I still maintain this would be a bang-up TV crime show episode. CSI in its early, glory days would have had a field day with it.

Via Post Secret's early, glory days.

As I mentioned in my original post, if I've learned anything about researching crimes and investigations, it's not how to get away with committing a crime - on the contrary, I've learned I wouldn't get away with it. I guess we'll find out how Nancy Crampton-Brophy's research will pay off. Oh, and also, don't be worth more dead than alive to anyone. Bad things happen when you're worth more dead than alive.

The slap heard 'round the internets

Will Smith smacked Chris Rock at the Oscars because of comments Rock made about Smith's wife, Jada Pinkett-Smith, and the internets had a field day.

Via act4america on IG

Via mostly.peaceful.memes on IG

Via truenorthpolitics on IG.

Let it go, dude. Let it go.