That's so Kings

 

I take no pleasure in reporting that the Los Angeles Kings have been bounced out of the first round of the NHL playoffs by the Edmonton Oilers for the fourth consecutive year. Not joking. About either. Fourth consecutive year bounced out of the first round, fourth consecutive year at the hands of the Oilers.

 

It was really looking like this was going to be the year LAK broke the Oiler curse. They had the league-best home record and actually had a pretty good year, even with the absence of Drew Doughty for a chunk of the season. And with home ice advantage for the first time in decades, they slaughtered the Oilers in the first two games of the series. But Edmonton also enjoyed home ice, taking both games in Alberta. Then they won game five in L.A. And tonight they defeated the Kings for the fourth consecutive game, and just like that, LAK is eliminated from the playoffs. AGAIN.

Gotta give props to Edmonton. After two shellackings in L.A., they came back and won four straight games to advance to the second round, where they'll meet (and hopefully fall to) the Vegas Golden Knights. 

This is yet another massive fail by the Kings. The funny thing was that after the first two wins, I was hearing fans talking Rob Blake as GM of the year and praising the heck out of coach Jim Hiller. But it was a very temporary high pedestal, which Edmonton destroyed in just four games. 

Ownership needs to clean house now. Front office, coach, clear it out and start over. Get some new blood in there. Because as Dave Chappelle would say...

...and the same old isn't working for the Kings. It hasn't been working for years. Hopefully something will finally give.

This game also marked the final appearance of long-time Kings announcer/legend Nick Nickson, who has retired. What a way to go out. 

 

Updated 5/5/25: Blake is gone. Now do Hiller. Don't forget the rest of the front office.

 

Screening: "South Park: Bigger, Longer & Uncut"

South Park: Bigger, Longer & Uncut (1999)

Directed by Trey Parker

Written by Trey Parker, Matt Stone, Pam Brady

Starring (the voices of): Trey Parker, Matt Stone, Mary Kay Bergman, Isaac Hayes, George Clooney, Eric Idle, Dave Foley, Mike Judge, Brent Spiner, Minnie Driver, Toddy Walters

Nominated for the Academy Award for Best Song ("Blame Canada")

 

Fathom Events presented South Park: Bigger, Longer & Uncut on the big screen this month as part of its Classics series and to mark the film's 25th anniversary. In addition, it was presented as a "sing-along", with lyrics subtitled onscreen in all their expletive-laden glory.

Released in 1999, this film gave South Park creators Trey Parker and Matt Stone the opportunity to run wild without having to consider Comedy's Central censorship guidelines. And boy, did they deliver. Produced in tandem with the show's second and third seasons, not only was the film South Park on steroids, it's also a full-blown musical.

Responsibility for the effects of foul language, sexual imagery, and violent imagery in film and TV on children versus the influence and responsibility of parents were hot topics back in the late 1990's, and Parker and Stone did their usual fine job of parodying the issue. Stan, Kyle, Cartman, and Kenny sneak into a showing of "Asses of Fire" starring their beloved Terrance and Phillip, Canadian comics whose material is largely composed of farts and fart jokes, along with off-the-charts profanity. After emerging from the theater, they begin exercising their newly acquired four-letter vocabulary to the horror of their parents and teachers.

The adults of South Park become increasingly angry with the undue influence of the foul-mouthed film on their children, and they lay blame on Canada in general and Terrance and Phillip in particular. As they get more and more carried away with their crusade, not only are the kids neglected, but the parents set in motion war between the U.S. and Canada, and the release of Satan (accompanied by his gay lover, Saddam Hussein) to rule over the earth. Their misguided approach and lack of personal responsibility are articulated in the song "Blame Canada" ("We must blame them and cause a fuss/Before somebody thinks of blaming us!") and Sheila Brovlofski's line, "Remember what the MPAA says: Horrific, deplorable violence is okay, as long as people don't say any naughty words!"

I was a big fan of the film when it was released in 1999, having been a huge fan of South Park since Day 1. I hadn't seen it in a while and it was great to see it back on the big screen.

The Fathom screening was preceding by an introduction by film critic Leonard Maltin, who reminded the audience that he made one of the earliest celebrity appearances on South Park (episode 112, "Mecha-Streisand"). Apparently he's a fan of the show, his appearance on it, and indicated that he and his family loved the film.

 

South Park: Bigger, Longer & Uncut facts and trivia:

• Paramount wanted a PG-13 rated film, but Parker and Stone refused. They would only make it if the studio agreed to an R rated film. Paramount eventually agreed.
• The Guinness Book of World Records cited South Park: Bigger, Longer & Uncut as having the most profanity of any animated film. There were 399 swear words in total. This was intentional as 400 words would have automatically triggered the dreaded NC-17 rating. In addition, it includes 128 offensive gestures and 221 acts of violence.
  
• The Oscar-nominated song "Blame Canada" was performed at the ceremony by Robin Williams. The award went to Phil Collins for "You'll Be in My Heart" from the Disney animated film Tarzan.
• The film was named "Best Animated Feature" of 1999 by the New York Film Critics Circle Awards. Parker and Stone won Best Musical Performance from MTV's Movie + TV Awards for the Terrance and Phillip song "Uncle Fucka".
  
• This film marked the first time Kenny's face was ever shown.
• The film grossed $80+ million world wide. It was the highest grossing R-rated animated film until 2016 when it lost the title to Sausage Fest. 
  
• In the end credits, all of the songs performances are attributed to the characters singing them, not the actors.
• The film was originally titled South Park: All Hell Breaks Loose, but the MPAA refused to allow the word "hell" in the title. Parker and Stone then gave it the double entendre title it was released with. In fact, the bitter battles between the MPAA and the filmmakers was the stuff of legend back when it was released.
  
• Rumor has it that when the U.S. military captured Saddam Hussein in 2006, soldiers forced him to watch this film, in which he's portrayed as residing in hell as Satan's gay lover. Stone apparently confirmed this, adding that the military sent him and Parker an autographed photo of Hussein.  
  

Sources: South Park: Bigger, Longer & Uncut on imdb - South Park: Bigger, Longer & Uncut on Wikipedia

Holy, moly, I'd forgotten how amazing this was! RIP Robin 😭 

The utter brilliance of "The Worldwide Privacy Tour" - It's funny because it's true.

So South Park decided to take on Prince Harry and Meghan Markle, and it was glorious!

It's been almost a week since what is, in my opinion, the best South Park episode since the pitch-perfect gentrification season. I've been wanting to blog about it, but the story keeps expanding, so every time I thought it was safe to hit "publish", more news would come out. But it's time. Let's go!

 

#1 - The episode itself.

The overall reaction is that this is one of the best episodes of South Park in years. Agreed. This episode was an embarrassment of riches. The dirty looks when they entered the cathedral for the Queen's funeral, culminating in the "Earl of Halifax" farting on the stupid wife (Is it even really South Park without fart jokes?) The world's greatest candle. The title of the "memoir" - it's called "WAAAGH", and how absolutely perfect was the delivery of that line? 

 

 

We see them flying all over the world in a private jet, which eventually gets parked in front of their new house in...not Montecito. In South Park, right across the street from Kyle, who is not happy to see them. The amazing attention to detail in the magazine covers which are only onscreen a few seconds (The Royal Rogue did a great cover-by-cover review on YouTube - it starts around the 5:50 mark). 

 

The cartoon frozen "todger" (apparently British slang for johnson). Seriously, dudes, for future reference, when writing your autobiographies there is no need to wax poetic about your bad boy and the trouble it brings. The madness of branding and how phony it is ("The problem with you is you want the results without doing the work.") Nice touch: each brand's list of attributes included "victim". The empty-headed echo chamber. And the fact that they were never identified by name, and yet no one, and I mean NO. ONE. has expressed any doubt as to who inspired this episode.

I also loved the Beatlesque Worldwide Privacy Tour logo, which is now the background on my social media accounts.

Missing: Elizabeth Arden. Harry's bald spot. The single, left-eyed tear. But not to fear, there may be future episodes featuring the Prince and Princess of Canada. God knows there's plenty more ridiculousness to be mined. It's only a half-hour show, they could only fit so much into one episode.

Lone whiff: The Queen in her coffin without a lid on it. Not cool. Not sure what the point of that was.

The episode was ultimately sympathetic to Harry, which I used to be. Initially I saw him as a besotted clod who was thinking with the wrong head. But after hearing multiple excerpts from his autobiography "Waaagh!", I mean "Spare", he revealed himself as a bitter, petty, boring, self-absorbed jerk with no appreciation for the unimaginable wealth and privilege he's spent his entire life in thanks to a mere accident of birth, and someone who is absolutely devoid of even the smallest shred of self-awareness. In his own way, he's as unpleasant as his grasping, entitled, gold-digger, and at this point equally culpable in the abuse they have heaped on his family, her family, the British people, and pretty much anyone who doesn't think they're the greatest things in the world.

Contrast the depiction of Meghan - I mean the Princess of Canada - in this episode with the description of the Princess of Canada in "Royal Pudding", which was inspired by the wedding of Prince William and Catherine Middleton as the bride walked down the aisle: "Isn't she ravishing, so pure of heart, so strong in body, so hot in the face. She is indeed the living symbol of our great country. My God, she's beautiful." That's a long way from the hollow vessel that is the younger Prince of Canada's "Instagram-loving bitch wife".

#2: Public reaction

Like I mentioned earlier, this episode has received pretty much unanimous acclaim. I've yet to see anyone comment about it without raving and laughing about it. However, it seems there are a couple of people who weren't so impressed. Guess who!

#3: Pre-emptive strike attempt 

Prince Harry apparently tried to get the episode blocked! And was ignored! I was actually surprised to hear this. I hadn't heard a thing about it until they released the trailer just days before the episode aired. Apparently The Spare is a fan of censorship, as long as it doesn't extend to him blabbing about family members he knows can't respond publicly.

 

#4: Victimhood!!!

It's like the Underpants Gnomes: Step 1: Fuck up. Step 2: Get skewered by South Park. Step 3: Play the Victim! Just like it said on the show! Some people just never learn. They are actually having their lawyers looking into suing over the episode. I love how they blab unpleasant and personal stuff about other people, but fire up the legal system the minute there's a peep about them. Hypocrites. I'm no law student, but I'm pretty sure they can't sue for satire. 

Nope, not just me.

 

Yeah, Meghan never struck me as someone who has a sense of humor about herself. I do wonder, how can one be "upset and overwhelmed" by something they claim not to have seen? Riiiiight. Let me guess, it's only okay when she and Harry publicly trash people.

 

I also love how Matt & Trey haven't said a word in response to all this. It's like they're taking a page out of the Royal Family's playbook - don't give the immature brats the satisfaction of a reaction. Let your actions speak.

South Park is a natural friggin' treasure. Also, fun factoid: South Park Studios is located just a few miles from where I live. Kinda makes you proud.

You Know Who strikes again, eh?

The Babylon Bee takes on the POS ruining our wonderful neighbors to the north.

Moar #TrudeauEulogies!

The gift that keeps on giving 😊

#TrudeauEulogies - the most fun you'll have all day

Twitter may be willfully imploding but apparently it's still good for something. Case in point: today's Twitter Nation response to Justin Trudeau's statement on the death of Fidel Castro, better known as #TrudeauEulogies.

A little background: Justin Trudeau is the Prime Minister Pinhead of Canada. He's basically the white, Canadian version of Barack Obama. In other words, he's a terrorist enabling putz with a face that's just begging to be punched, and no matter how badly or often he fucks up his supporters still act like he's the Second Coming. Or something like that.

So while the freedom loving capitalist pigs of the world were enjoying their Black Friday deals, Cuban despot Fidel Castro finally shuffled off this mortal coil, at the age of 90 and way overdue. Which prompted Canada's Prime Village Idiot to issue this statement about the vile dictator who murdered thousands of his own countrymen, drove about a million more away from their homeland and turned Cuba from a popular destination to a third world shithole:

"Fidel Castro was a larger than life leader who served his people for almost half a century. A legendary revolutionary and orator, Mr. Castro made significant improvements to the education and healthcare of his island nation.

While a controversial figure, both Mr. Castro's supporters and detractors recognized his tremendous dedication and love for the Cuban people who had a deep and lasting affection for 'el Comandante'."

Dude is seriously giving our lame duck Prez a run for his money in the Utterly Clueless and Blithe Stupidity Departments. Guess how Cuban immigrants in Miami are mourning el Comandante? They're celebrating in the streets. They've been waiting decades for this POS to kick the bucket. A lot of Trudeau's fellow hosers aren't too happy about the statement either.

On the bright side, there's always the witty and hilarious denizens of Twitter to mock where mocking is most needed. That brings us back to #TrudeauEulogies:

I swear Twitter hasn't been this much fun since #AttackWatch.