Friday, August 24, 2012

It's been too long my love - Let's get back together, L.A. County Restaurant Closure List

Sure, I could use the excuse that I've been busy with real life crap like moving and dental appointments and rebuilding a partially deleted blog and buying a bed that doesn't have springs poking through the mattress and dealing with the kind of family drama that ensues when someone with a significant net worth doesn't get around to updating their final will and testament and living trust, leading to a total screwing over of someone he meant to take care of for life by someone who has been disinherited before and would have been disinherited again if Dad had any idea of the crap that would be pulled after his death...but I digress.  Is any of that any excuse to neglect the utter joy that is the L.A. County restaurant closures list?

Of course not. You know who would have agreed? My Dad, who loved my blogging. In fact, I think he was pretty much was my only reader. But that was before The Dark Times...

As usual, each entry is preceded by my snarky commentary on said entry:

Jonesing for vermin? These guys have you covered. Seriously, if you open a place with a stupid hipster wannabe name like this in a hip beach location, you deserve all the misery the L.A. County Department of Public Health can heap on you. I cannot wait to not patronize this place the next time I'm in Hermosa, assuming they're still in business, which would surprise me:
American Junkie, 58-68 Pier Avenue, Hermosa Beach CA 90254
Date closed: June 28, 2012
Date reopened: June 30, 2012
Reason for closure: Vermin harborage, vermin infestation

This address belongs to Sony Pictures Studios, so I'm thinking bad craft services maybe? I remember seeing "Base Camp" crew signs around Hollywood before I moved, but quick searches on Yahoo and imdb failed to reveal either a project or production company of this name. Whatever it is, they sure went overboard on the offenses in true Hollywood fashion:
Base Camp Prod L516111, 10202 W. Washington Blvd., Culver City CA 90232
Date closed: July 20, 2012
Reason for closure: Imminent health hazard to public health or safety, insanitary equipment and utensils, no Public Health License, no Public Health Permit, unsafe food temperature

Or not.
Boiling Point, 2020 S. Hacienda Blvd., Hacienda Heights CA 91745
Dated closed: June 7, 2012
Date reopened: June 8, 2012
Reason for closure: Unsafe food temperature

Insert obvious "fast food is crap" jokes here:
Carl's Jr., 10148 E. Rosecrans Avenue, Bellflower CA 90706
Date closed: May 24, 2012
Date reopened: May 24, 2012
Reason for closure: Sewage
Carl's Jr., 1360 W. 190th Street, Torrance CA 90501
Date closed: July 23, 2012
Date reopened:  July 23, 2012
Reason for closure: Sewage
Church's Fried Chicken, 8522 S. Western Avenue, Los Angeles CA 90047
Date closed: August 8, 2012
Date reopened: September 9, 2012 (? - maybe they were ordered not to reopen any sooner?)
Reason for closure: Sewage

This is a first. I have never, ever seen this as a "reason for closure" before. Even better, apparently they haven't gotten around to fixing it, since there was no reopening date given:
Chile & Limon, 7901 Eastern Avenue, Bell Gardens CA 90201
Date closed: June 15, 2012
Reason for closure: Inadequate lighting

Yikes, I drove by this place yesterday and actually thought it was cute, in a historic Route 66-ish kind of way. Good thing I packed a lunch:
Golden Spur Restaurant, 1223 E. Route 66, Glendora CA 91740
Date closed: August 9, 2012
Reason for closure: Vermin harborage

Healthy Shape, 14512 Nordhoff Street, Panorama City CA 91402
Date closed: May 29, 2012
Reason for closure: No public health permit

Hat trick!!!
Hong Kong Express, 1400 W. 190th Street, Torrance CA 90501
Date closed: July 9, 2012
Date reopened: July 11, 2012
Reason for closure: Sewage
Hong Kong Express, 671 E. University Drive, Carson CA 90746
Date closed: May 31, 2012
Date reopened: June 2, 2012
Reason for closure: Vermin harborage, vermin infestation
Hong Kong Express, 12140 E. Carson Street, Hawaiian Gardens CA 90716
Date closed: July 5, 2012
Date reopened: July 8, 2012
Reason for closure: Vermin harborage, vermin infestation

No respect for your elders. For shame:
Las Palmas Senior Center, 1820 N. Las Palmas Avenue, Los Angeles CA 90028
Date closed: May 16, 2012
Date reopened: June 15, 2012
Reason for closure: Vermin harborage, vermin infestation

Just in case this dump making the glorious list of The 25 Douchiest Bars in Los Angeles wasn't enough to scare you off this literal shithole, bask in this:
Sharkeez, 52 Pier Avenue, Hermosa Beach CA 90254
Date closed: August 1, 2012
Date reopened: August 1, 2012
Reason for closure: Sewage

No idea what the heck is going on here, but I do know one thing: There's nothing superb about it:
Superb Lunch, 750 W. 7th Street #108, Los Angeles CA 90017
Date closed: July 18, 2012
Reason for closure: Improper ware washing method, unapproved equipment

Being part of a mighty chain doesn't save you from the wrath of the L.A. County Department of Public Health, nosiree. Current residents of the List of Shame include Baja Fresh (on 3rd in L.A.), Claim Jumper (Palmdale), Denny's (Torrance), Fatburger (on Sunset in Hollywood), Fuddruckers (on Santa Monica in L.A.), IHOP (Chatsworth), KFC (Pico Rivera), Mimi's Cafe (Lakewood), Popeye's Chicken (Valley Village), Quizno's (Van Nuys), Subway (Torrance) and a grievous double foul for Roscoe's Chicken & Waffles on Pico in L.A., closed June 26-29 and again July 11-21 for vermin harborage and infestation.


Thursday, August 23, 2012

The saddest spam

This appeared in my spam email this morning. Check out the logo.

Spammers are scum, but looking at this pathetic attempt to pass themselves off as McDonald's, I almost feel sorry for them. Almost.

Tuesday, August 21, 2012

DIY bad margarita recipe

1) Fill blender to top with a couple ice cubes and chunks of yellow watermelon (yes, they exist!) from today's Abundant Harvest Organics haul:

Potatoes, seedless Thompson grapes (first grapes of the season!), basil, lettuce, yellow watermelon (before I took the big knife to it), some sort of cucumber I think, peppers, tomatoes and peaches. Not nearly as big a haul as we've been having lately, but almost better because it's a lot more manageable. Missing the corn already, but happy to see grapes!

2) Pour in the rest of the tequila I had in the cupboard.
3) Squirt in indiscriminate amount of light organic agave nectar, without measuring, just like they do on Food Network.
4) Blend until liquified and sporting a fluffy, foamy top layer (which was much prettier to look at than drink, BTW).
5) Pour into margarita glass. Add in a squeeze of lime.
6) Take amateurish, poorly composed snaps that look nothing like the ones on real foodie blogs :(

7) Enjoy (?)
8) Note to self: Use this internet thingy to look up a real margarita recipe next time instead of just pulling it out of your ass.

Verdict: Meh. The lime didn't really go with the watermelon (which has a very bland taste in liquid form) so in the spirit of experimentation I poured a second glass without the lime. Pretty much the same thing: bland watermelon taste only without the jarring appearance of lime.

As far as the the yellow watermelon - which I never knew existed until today - is concerned, it is awesome. Softer and easier to cut up than a regular watermelon, but tastes the same and is as nice and juicy with fewer seeds. Just eat it like a regular watermelon and find another excuse for raiding the liquor cabinet.

Monday, August 13, 2012

"Safety first!" says Lord Stanley

Per LA Kings Insider, Willie Mitchell took the Stanley Cup fishing as part of his day with the Cup. Hammond also pointed out that the Cup is required to wear a life jacket when on the water. And sure enough...

Colorado Avalanche head coach Bob Hartley has his day with the Cup, back in the day.

As odd as it looks, it does make sense. Can't have the greatest trophy in sports drowning.

Pic: via Yahoo Images