A "To Serve Man" apron?

Don't mind if I do!

"It's a cookbook!"

Christmas post - Merry Punjabi Christmas!

I've been posting this pretty much every December for the past few years. This was apparently a promo produced a few years ago by Nick Jr., part of the Nickelodeon family of networks. It's strangely hypnotic and addictive.

Jingle all the way!!!

Bouchercon 2014 final wrap-up

My Bouchercon posts have been updated with some panel pics and a Friday panel that got left off the original post.  All my Bouchercon and Long Beach pics are here on Flickr.

I had such a great time at Bouchercon, in downtown Long Beach and at the beautiful Renaissance Hotel, it's kind of hard to believe it was over three weeks ago that it was over and done with and I was back home. Right now I'm debating next year, which is in Raleigh, North Carolina, because I need to coordinate it with Writers' Police Academy, which has just announced they're not going to be in NC next year, but have yet to announce when and where they will be.  But I would like to go. I wish it could be in Long Beach every year. Such a great location.

Since Bouchercon relocates every year, they plan waaaaaaay in advance, so much so that they've already set the next four events:

Raleigh, NC (October 8-11, 2015)
New Orleans, LA (September 15-18, 2016)
Toronto, Ontario, Canada (October 12-15, 2017)
St. Petersburg, FL (September 13-16, 2018)

I can't recommend this convention enough. If you're a fan of mystery and thrillers - anything from whimsical cozies to hard boiled crime, from amateur sleuths to jaded PI's and detectives - Bouchercon has you covered.

My Bouchercon posts: Murder at the Beach: Bouchercon - a quick look, Day 1 recap, Day 2 recap, Day 3 recap.

Bouchercon 2014 - Day 3 Recap

Day 3 - Saturday - was the longest day for me. Here we go:

A Fine Palate for Death (Dessert, Wine and Crime)
Ovidia Yu (Moderator), Kathy Aarons, Jennifer McKinlay, Carlene O'Neil, Nancy Parra, Penny Warner

This was my favorite panel because it was just so much fun. Yu was a great moderator and Warner in particular was hysterically funny. Yu started off the festivities by having each author toss a small, plastic-wrapped cake into the audience, and whoever caught it got a book from that author. I didn't catch one, but it was still a great way to get everyone in the mood for a fun panel.

Apparently one of the traditions of food-oriented cozies is to include a number of the recipes in the book. Parra - who also writes as Nancy Coco - includes ten fudge recipes in each of her books. O'Neil's series is set in the Napa Wine Country and she became "wine certified" as part of her research. Food-related cozies also have some really fun titles. Some of the titles from this group: Murder Gone A-Rye, Gluten For Punishment, How To Host a Killer Party, One Foot in the Grape, Sugar and Iced, and Death is Like a Box of Chocolates.

"A Fine Palate for Death" panel.

A Strange Mixture (Sleuthing and Other Pastimes)
Clare Toohey (Moderator), Beverly Allen, Terrie Farley Moran, Don Passman, Susan Shea, Tracy Weber

The authors discussed how they combined mystery with very different areas of interest and experience. Passman, whose novel The Amazing Harvey - about a magician who uses his skills to clear himself when his DNA is found at the scene of the murder of a woman he's never met - is a member of the famous Magic Castle in Hollywood. Moran's cozies take place at the Read 'Em and Eat bookstore/cafe and she confessed that she can't cook, although she recently bought a Vitamix and her new hobby is combining all sorts of interesting ingredients to make juices "that make people on Facebook shudder". Shea's stories take place in the world of fine art auctions, which, she explained, drug lords and oligarchs have taken to use for money laundering. A high end piece can go for $50 million.

"A Strange Mixture" panel.

Kick Ass Women
Hank Phillippi Ryan (Moderator), Laura DiSilverio, Meg Gardiner, Terri Nolan, Karen Olson, Ingrid Thoft

A terrific panel of kick ass women writers discussed their craft and books. They talked about the need for characters to constantly be pushing the limits, and Gardiner (whose The Shadow Tracer was one of the books in my Bouchercon book bag) mentioned Kurt Vonnegut's advice that you have to make your character want something, even if it's only a glass of water. Gardiner also described the essence of plotting as "thwarted at every turn". DiSilverio in particular was interesting - she spent twenty years as an Air Force intelligence officer, then began writing light-hearted mysteries (her books include a Mall Cop series and a Ballroom Dancing series).

"Kick Ass Women" panel.

Getting It Right (How Authors Make Sure the Details Are Correct)
Chris Aldrich (Moderator), Jan Burke, Reed Farrel Coleman, Julia Dahl, Roger Hobbs, Tammy Kaehler

All about making sure all the details are accurate. Kaehler became interested in the world of auto racing when a hospitality job landed her at a track. She began hanging out with people there and picking their brains about the sport. Each of her books takes place over the weekend of a famous race (her next book will take place at the Long Beach Grand Prix). Hobbs set his upcoming novel in China and spent time there for research. His experiences included exposure to crime lords. One of the things that was stressed is that "everyone likes to talk about their job", so it isn't hard to find people to share their expertise.

"Getting It Right" panel.

Short and Scary (Thriller and Noir Short Stories)
Toni Kelner (aka Leigh Perry) (Moderator), Scott Adlerberg, Jack Fredrickson, Lori Rader-Day, Charles Salzberg, Dave Zeltserman

This was a pretty subdued panel and there was actually very little discussion of noir. Frederickson recommended Stephen King's On Writing: A Memoir of the Craft. Salzberg uses the classic, "What if?" question. One of the panelists mentioned a quote from Robert Bloch: That both humor and thrillers are heading toward a punchline.


You Say Traditional, I Say Cozy (Exploring the Boundaries of the Classic Mystery Novel)
Sarah M. Chen (Moderator), John Billheimer, Linda Joffe Hull, Eric James Miller, Ilene Schneider

This panel had a really interesting variety of cozy/traditional series to their credit: Schneider, who is also a rabbi in addition to being an author, has a series featuring a female rabbi whose work leads her to stumble across crimes (I guess you'd call her a Jewish Jessica Fletcher). Miller has started the "For Rent" series, the first of which features a young, aspiring journalist trying to solve a murder in her apartment building in Venice Beach, California. Hull's shopping series was inspired by a TV show she saw about "extreme couponing". Billheimer's baseball series features a sportswriter with a gambling problem (and has great titles: Field of Schemes and A Player To Be Maimed Later). Schneider came up with what I thought was the best way to differentiate between traditionals and cozies: If the sleuth is an amateur (Miss Marple) it's a cozy. If the sleuth is a pro (Poirot) it's a traditional.

Six panels in one day. I was exhausted, and my butt was killing me. Hotel meeting chairs aren't the most comfy things out there. I was happy to head back to my hotel and the cushy bed therein.

Bouchercon 2014 - Day 2 Recap

Here's a quick look at Day 2 (Friday)!

Sassy, Sexy, and Smart Female Protagonists
Elaine Viets (Moderator), Hilary Davidson, Andrew Mayne, Nora McFarland, Diane Vallere, James Ziskin

Mayne: "Smart is sexy".  Davidson on sassy: "That's what men call you when you don't do what they want." Davidson was a travel writer (primarily for Frommer's Travel Guides) who was inspired to write mystery after a Frommer's editor vanished while working in Jamaica. Mayne and Ziskin also discussed the issue of men writing female characters and how they had to be more than what Viet described as a pet peeve of hers: Men writing woman = women in drag. The subject of "Cabot Cove Syndrome" came up (as it did on pretty much every panel with cozy authors) and Vallere explained that she coped with this issue by making the small town in her book Suede to Rest big city adjacent, basing it on San Dimas, a small town about 30 miles east of Los Angeles. I used to live in San Dimas and it's actually a pretty brilliant idea, because the town does have a small-town feel, but is definitely a suburb of L.A.


Murderer's Row (Who and Why We Kill)
Harley Jane Kozak (Moderator), Sheila Connelly, Christopher Farnsworth, Jamie Freveletti, Roger Hobbs, Jeffrey Siger

The panel discussed how they create the killers and victims for their books. Connelly wrote her first novel after being fired from her dream job and the boss who fired her became her first victim. Freveletti does a lot of research on terrorists (she mentioned ISIS by name) so she never has a shortage of reasons to kill a lot of bad guys in her novels. Kozak stated that she usually gets stuck around page 200 and ends up killing a character she hadn't planned on killing, which prompted Hobbs to bring up Dashiell Hammett's advice that if you get stuck, bring in a man with a gun.

"Murderer's Row" panel.

The Mean Streets of Los Angeles (L.A. Crime Through the Ages)
Linda Richards (Moderator), Kathy Bennett, Jack Bludis, Jennifer Kincheloe, D.W. Putnam, Kathryn Leigh Scott, Rochelle Staab

Bennett is a former member of LAPD who once killed a suspect who got out of a car with a machete and refused to back down. This info came due to a question that all cops have to be able to answer yes to: Are you willing to kill someone? Kincheloe's book is about a society girl turned secret LAPD police matron in 1907. Bludis told an amusing story about how a cover artist included the Empire State Building on the cover of one of his books set in 1940's L.A. The panel also encouraged writers in the audience to feel confident about contacting police for technical assistance - they cited LAPD as being especially used to dealing with writers.

"Mean Streets of Los Angeles" panel.

Cute and Sweet, But With a Twist (Cozies With Attitude)
Kristopher Zgorski(Moderator), Judy Clemens, Vicki Doudera, Bharti Kirchner, Wendy Tyson

Zgorski kicked off the panel with the description of the traditional cozy mystery: They generally feature an amateur sleuth, take place in a small, charming and contained setting, and in which sex and violence are downplayed and take place offstage when they do occur. The works of the panel feature a little more edge to their characters and stories. Doudera often ends her chapters with her recurring heroine and her boyfriend going off to have sex. Clemens' heroine is a hot-tempered biker. Kirchner's latest tackles domestic violence and Tyson's books include teen goth suspects, political ambition and sex tapes.

"Cozies With Attitude" panel.

Happy Thanksgiving to you and yours!

This gem came via a "caption this" challenge from Vintage Los Angeles on Facebook. They put up a pic of Mommie Dearest herself carving the roast beast and the results were delightful, but this was hands-down my favorite:

Well played, Nicholas Aqleh, whoever you are!!!

New York Times, you're no Washington Post

And the media wonders why their glory days are behind them. Check out this description of Sharyl Attkisson's current bestseller Stonewalled:

Nope, no agenda here. Move along, nothing to see.

Because who in their right mind would complain about being harassed and intimidated by the White House while they're just trying to do their job? Only a right wing nutjob, amirite? I'm just surprised they didn't use "whines" instead of "complains". I mean, if you're going to be a jerk about it, might as well go all out.

So childishly petty, New York Times. You used to be better than that.

On the other hand, they have no problem being completely serious about a relationship book by a celebrity who has been married and divorced three times:

So Jennifer Lopez describes, but investigative reporter Sharyl Attkisson complains. Got it.

Obviously, the days of anyone in the mainstream media wanting to emulate Woodward and Bernstein are over.

Bouchercon 2014 - Day 1 Recap

The 45th Annual Bouchercon, a mystery/thriller convention, was held in Long Beach last weekend. I'd never attended Bouchercon, but had heard great things about it at other conferences, and it didn't disappoint. These were the panels I attended on Day 1 (Thursday).

Crime in Tinseltown (Hollywood as the Setting for Murder)
Lee Goldberg (Moderator), retired LAPD Captain turned novelist Connie Dial, Diana Gould, Melodie Johnson Howe, Nathan Walpow, Sheila York.

The always entertaining Lee Goldberg led the discussion of authors discussing their showbiz-based novels. My favorite parts of the panel were via Goldberg, at one point ranting about how an inept lead actor on one of his shows led him to write his novel My Gun Has Bullets (which is now on my Kindle waiting to be read). The best story was when he was working on Diagnosis Murder and bringing his then eight year old daughter to the set to meet Dick Van Dyke because she was enamored of Bert the Chimney Sweep in Mary Poppins. She didn't recognize the white-haired man as Bert, so Van Dyke began performing a song from the movie. The panel also recommended the following as some of the best books about Hollywood: City of Nets, The Day of the Locust, The Dame in the Kimono and The Last Tycoon.


Mixing Murder with Food (Why We Love Cozies with Recipes)
Kate Carlisle (Moderator), Connie Archer, Leslie Budewitz, Daryl Wood Gerber (aka Avery Aames), Karen MacInerney, Ovidia Yu

Some tidbits about cozies with recipes from this entertaining panel: If you mention a recipe and don't include it in the book, you will hear from fans wanting it. Archer had included a made-up soup in one of her books and had fans requesting the non-existent recipe. Yu referred to the combination of cozy mysteries and food as "comfort reading. One of the things I love about cozies is the titles. Titles from this panel include Crime Rib, A Spoon Full of Murder, As Gouda as Dead, Days of Wine and Roquefort, and Dead and Berried.

"Mixing Murder with Food" panel.

Short But Mighty (The Power and Freedom of the Short Story)
Travis Richardson (Moderator), Craig Faustus Buck, Barb Goffman, Robert Lopresti, Paul D. Marks, Art Taylor

Panelists have had their work published in Alfred Hitchcock Mystery Magazine, Ellery Queen Mystery Magazine, and various anthologies (Buck contributed to Murder at the Beach, this year's Bouchercon anthology). Richardson, Buck and Taylor were all nominees in the short story category for Bouchercon's Anthony Award (John Connelly won). Buck said he writes short stories to procrastinate when working on novels. Buck recommended buying newspapers for story ideas. Goffman suggested News of the Weird.

On my to-read list.

Murder at The Beach: Bouchercon - a quick look

Long Beach welcomes Bouchercon!!!

Welcome to Downtown Long Beach. The view from my room.

The Bookseller's Room. Overwhelming.

Apparently, there's lit for everyone.

Panel for "Mixing Murder with Food: Why We Love Cozies with Recipes".

Just outside the gorgeous host hotel, The Hyatt.

Ominous skies over Downtown Long Beach on Friday.
Weather held up, there was no rain. Southern California style :)

My view this morning. You so pretty, Downtown Long Beach.

Off in the distance, a cruise ship.

The view.

Pine Street, Long Beach. Mystery Convention, straight ahead.

This morning's awesome and hilarious panel, "A Fine Palate for Death". 
Ovidia Yu (far right) was Moderator Extraodinaire.

Apparently I need to calm the hell down

Yesterday I got an email from my culinary school that contained some disturbing info about my upcoming "full-time" Baking and Pastry Program:

I am sure you are getting excited about getting started with your class in January!  We are looking forward to working with you.  As always here at New School we are constantly making changes and adjustments to our classes and programs in an effort to improve both content and delivery.  The main source of feedback is from students and we gather this information primarily from surveys.  Based on what our students have told us over the past year we have decided to make what we view as positive adjustments to the program that you are starting in January-this effects both culinary arts and baking and pastry.

New Schedule:
Classes will meet Tuesday, Thursdays and Fridays from 9:30am-2pm
Special Classes meet on Wednesdays (farmers market, preserving, butchering, wine)

Cost & Payment Schedule:
9000.00 and includes all materials and supplies.  There will be no additional charges.

We are going to invoice you 3 times over the course of the program. You have already registered so your payment will cover the 1^stpayment and you have a credit balance of 167.00.

Payment #2-Due January 6^th 2083.00
Payment #3-Due March 1^st 2250.00
Payment #4-Due May 1^st 2250.00

ServeSafe:
If you choose to participate in the Food Handler’s Program or are required by an employer to obtain a Food Handlers Card we recommend Western Food Safety as our preferred provider.  If we can meet the minimum we can schedule the class at the school.

Please contact me directly with any questions or concerns.  We will announce the December student orientation date in the next few weeks. 

It was a huge shock, for a number of reasons. First, it came completely out of the blue. I was never asked for feedback; I suspect it came more from prospective students who wanted to participate but couldn't commit to either the full-time schedule or to the cost. Or both. Not to be unsympathetic, but that's not my problem. Nobody asked me for feedback, they just sent the email, all cheery like it's not much of a change, or an actual improvement.

For some reason I had looked at the schedule a few days earlier and noticed they still had slots open. I figured there would be a last minute rush to fill. It's a big commitment and people are busy with the upcoming holidays. I wasn't worried about it filling up. Apparently the school did not share my optimism.

I had originally signed up for the summer Baking & Pastry session (which was three days per week), then delayed it until January because that's when it was being expanded to five days to match culinary, plus they were expanding the hours from five to six per day. I've spent the second half of this year waiting for it and planned to spend the next six months immersed in it. I made plans around this program. If they hadn't promised me full-time, I'd be a little over a month away from graduation.

I really freaked out when I calculated the difference in hours: From 30 to 13-1/2 per week. That's a huge cut. All I could think of was, how much of the originally planned program - which they apparently thought was important enough to expand to full-time - was I going to miss out on? And the difference in tuition hardly matches up to the reduction in hours. I could have taken the three days per week program over the summer for $6,500.

In addition, all the stuff in the Wednesday "special classes" are things we covered in culinary (ditto ServeSafe). I don't need to pay to do them again.

And culinary's getting cut too. I know how slammed we were doing five hours per day, five days a week. What are they going to be missing out on? If it's all so important, what are they going to cut?

I was stunned. I kept re-reading the email, hardly able to process it. Anyway, with all that shock, anger and frustration worked up, I did the one thing I probably shouldn't have done: I got on social media and bitched about it.

So of course someone at the school saw my Facebook meltdown and alerted the owner. I was still in a foul mood today when my phone rang. When I looked at the area code, I assumed it was my brother and picked up. It was the owner of the school. Nope, not awkward at all.

He was very nice and apologetic about it, admitting that maybe they should have called to alert people of the changes before sending the email. I explained that I was upset because I had been looking forward to it so much and really wanted to immerse myself in it. I didn't mention the "student feedback" issue because I thought it might sound defensive or combative and the call went really well. It turns out that I had misunderstood, that it's four days per week, not three. He also told me that instead of just pounding through the week, Wednesday's are going to be for special projects or something like that. And I certainly wouldn't mind another trip to the Cheese Store, if they're willing to let me tag along.

They're giving us shorter days and three-day weekends, and that actually is understandable, because full-time culinary was exhausting (albeit a good exhausting at least in my opinion). I can see where it could be a real grind if you have other things to deal with. I guess not everyone was looking forward to the program taking over their life.

So, of course I felt like an idiot, but I feel better about it. I can live with four days, although I don't like the shortened days (from 6 hours to 4-1/2) for baking and pastry, because you might be able to rush through cooking, but you can't really do that for baking. But their pastry chef is unbelievable and I'm really looking forward to studying with her, so four days is better than three. 18 hours per week is still a big drop from 30, but it's also a big improvement over 13-1/2, plus it explains why the tuition didn't drop more and is higher than summer.

I still can't help re-reading that email though. I would have worded that a lot differently. It makes me wonder if they got complaints from some of the other people who had already signed up for full-time.

Anyway, crisis averted, I guess.

What's the difference between filet and fillet?

The Kitchn has an answer for you!

Insomnia

Downside: Indulging internet trolls. Upside: THE LAUNDRY ROOM IS MINE!!!