It's that time of the year again!

I know I post these things every damn year, but hey, it's Halloween and they're awesome!  So here goes:

Comedy and tragedy punkins I made a few years back when I lived in Hollywood.

How a lot of people will be spending November 1.

Some guy made this costume for his daughter.  Too cute for words.

 And then there's this award-winning classic:

Happy Free Candy Day!

They're funny cuz they're true!

Tip 'o the hat to Writer's Digest on Facebook for linking to this: 18 Weird Things That Authors Do.

Nailed it!

Awesome Star Wars blooper reel

Huge props to io9 on Facebook for unleashing this on an unsuspecting world: An apparently new Star Wars blooper reel.

Be sure to scroll down to the comments, they're impressively articulate and polite for the internet (at least as of when I typed that sentence).

Do it.

Updated 10/30/13: And another one!

SNL's awesome Wes Anderson horror flick spoof

Despite the fact that The Royal Tenenbaums was released in 2001, I think it took a few more films until a mainstream audience would recognize the Wes Anderson look, plus it's awesome, so I'm not going to rag on SNL for referencing a twelve year old movie.  Bottom line, this thing is brilliant:

The actor playing Owen Wilson really nailed his voice, plus props to whoever found the dead-on wig.  Not to mention everyone else involved for hitting this out of the park, because I'm convinced that if Anderson did decide to do a horror film, it would look and sound a lot like this, especially the choice of songs.

H/T to TV Tattle.

Updated 11/8/13: Just found this "How We Did It Article" by SNL staffer Alex Buono.  Thanks again, TV Tattle!  I didn't even realize "The actor playing Owen Wilson" was actually Edward Norton.  I didn't recognize him at all.

YES PLEASE: James Ellroy embarks on "Second L.A. Quartet"

Great news: Self-described greatest crime writer ever James Ellroy has announced that he is returning to 1940's Los Angeles with a brand spanking new L.A. Quartet:

My design for “The Second L.A. Quartet” is unprecedented in scope, stylistic execution and dramatic intent.  I will take characters -– both fictional and real-life -- from the first two extended bodies of work, and place them in Los Angeles during World War II –- as significantly younger people.  The action will begin the day before the December 7, 1941 Japanese attack on Pearl Harbor and will carry an enormous range of people through to the end of the war.  Massive police investigations, political intrigue, grand love affairs, war profiteering, Axis sabotage plots.  Four 700-page hardcover novels that will span the homefront breadth of the greatest worldwide event of the twentieth century. 

The sequels will apparently be prequels.  The original L.A. Quartet (The Black Dahlia, The Big Nowhere, L.A. Confidential and White Jazz) took place in the period of the mid-1940's to the late 1950's.  Perfidia, the first book of the new quartet, takes place in 1941.

As usual, Ellroy will feature a number of real life and fictional characters including legendary LAPD Chief William H. Parker and Dudley Smith from the original L.A. Quartet.

Dudley Smith is the overarching villain of “The L.A. Quartet.”  In PERFIDIA, he’s the 36-year-old homicide detective investigating the baffling Watanabe case.  The case means money to Dudley. He’s embroiled in a hot wartime romance with screen legend Bette Davis.

Bette Davis?  I freaking can't wait for this book, but it looks like I'll have to wait about a year - per the L.A. Times, Perfidia isn't due out until fall 2014.

Sorry state of the union

There has been much ado about the governmental shutdown, who is responsible and reprehensible for what, and what should be done with it.  And that's even before the online clusterfuck of the launch of Obamacare.  Here's what I have to say about all that:

As someone who has actually worked as a covered employee, in HR and in the health insurance industry and has seen it from the viewpoint of agent, customer service rep, employer and insured, I'd like to go on record as saying the plans offered by the so-called "Affordable Care Act" (aka Obamacare) offer the highest premiums, highest deductibles, highest co-pays, highest annual out-of-pocket costs and highest costs to the insured I've ever seen.  EVER.

Our current health care system may not be perfect, but I don't see how making it even more costly than it already is benefits anyone.  AND MOST IMPORTANTLY, REMEMBER THIS: The very politicians (Congress and our President) who put this piece of shit that they couldn't be bothered to read before passing into law think so highly of Obamacare that they refuse to subject themselves to it.  But they're more than happy to sanctimoniously inflict it on us peons.  THINK ABOUT THAT.

Also, just because something is "the law" doesn't make it right. Slavery - owning and having the right to viciously abuse another human being who didn't sufficiently do your bidding - used to be the law.  Women not having the right to vote used to be the law.  These laws did not make it right to treat women and African Americans like lesser beings.  They just made it legal.

So stop looking at the (R) and (D) after names and THINK FOR YOURSELF.  You voted for Obama?  Guess what - he doesn't give a crap.  Obamacare for thee, but not for him and his familee.  And with very few exceptions, Congress isn't any better.  Like it or not libs, a group of those horrible Rethuglicans offered up a compromise to the current government shutdown that was rejected by Dems because it demanded that Congress be equally subjected to the awesomeness of Obamacare that the rest of us are expected to mindlessly embrace.  Because Obamacare is just so awesome that it's the law so just fall into line and stop whining you stupid Tea Party Nazis.

Can't imagine why the Dems turned that offer down.  That was sarcasm, by the way.

The winds long to play with your hair

It's a beautiful, sunny morning in Southern California, so let's have some beautiful, sunny words of wisdom:

Dare to live the life you have dreamed for yourself. Go forward and make your dreams come true.
 (Ralph Waldo Emerson)

To succeed in life, you need three things: 
A wishbone, a backbone and a funnybone. (Reba McEntire)

You cannot be lonely if you like the person you’re alone with. (Dr. Wayne Dyer)

Adopt the pace of nature: her secret is patience.  (Ralph Waldo Emerson)

There is no pillow so soft as a clear conscience.  (French Proverb)

Forget not that the earth delights to feel your bare feet and the winds long to play with your hair. (Kahlil Gibran)

The most certain sign of wisdom is cheerfulness. (Michel De Montaigne)

Every time you smile at someone, it is an action of love, a gift to that person, a beautiful thing.
(Mother Teresa)

When you laugh you are not afraid. When you are not afraid you are free. (Gregorius Nekschot)

An early morning walk is a blessing for the whole day. (Henry David Thoreau)

A well-developed sense of humor is the pole that adds balance to your steps as you walk the tightrope of life. (William A. Ward)

I pray thee, Oh God, that I may be beautiful within. (Socrates)

When I play with my cat, how do I know that she is not passing time with me rather than I with her? (Michel De Montaigne)

Wherever you go, no matter what the weather, always bring your own sunshine. 
(Anthony J. D'Angelo)

Writer's Digest Self-Publishing Conference

As part of their west coast writer's conferences, the Writer's Digest Self-Publishing Conference was held Friday at the Hyatt Regency Century Plaza Hotel in Century City.

The conference seemed sparsely attended to me.  It might have been due to it being a weekday, but whatever the reason, it was still a great event.  Very informative with some really great speakers.  I also liked that each session was only 50 minutes in length and that there was a moderator who kept everyone on schedule.  This way none of the sessions ran long or dragged.

Here are some things I learned about self-publishing at the conference:

• You need a separate ISBN code for each format (hardcover, paperback, ebook).  In addition, some ebook publishers will retain ownership of the ISBN.  Although you retain the copyright, if you move to another publisher you will need a new ISBN.  ISBN codes can be purchased through Bowker, which also provides other services for self-published authors.
• Even if you self-publish, at some point you will probably need the expertise of an agent for issues such as foreign markets and film rights.  Agents can also help you avoid scams.
• Good literary agents today are more like literary managers.  It's not enough for them to just be flipping contracts.
• When selecting an agent or publishing house, be sure they are experienced in your genre.  This seems obvious, but apparently there are people who will sign with anyone just to have an agent or publisher.
• Self-publishing (or DIY, as guest Roy Carlisle calls it) is where traditional publishers are looking for new talent.  Agents also scope out self-published authors as potential clients.
• Although there are only now five major traditional publishers, there are 40,000 independent presses in the U.S.  Check them out as an alternative to self-publishing.
• Audio books are exploding.  Author Hugh Howey has said that he could live comfortably just on the revenue generated by his audio books.
• The importance of blogging to connect and stay connected with your audience was mentioned several times, which I thought was interesting because it seems like a lot of people think blogging and/or having an author website is passe and has been replaced by Facebook.  Today's panelists did not agree with that idea.

The day went by really fast and I learned a ton of stuff about self-publishing.  The WD conferences were pretty pricey compared to other writing conferences I've gone to, but fortunately they gave the option of attending the self-publishing portion as a stand-alone, and it was worth it.  Highly recommend it if they have it again next year.

Marina del Rey has a film festival?

Apparently so, although it's coming up soon and they don't actually have their titles set yet.  Should be a neat atmosphere to see a movie.

Sailboat school, Marina del Rey Channel, summer 2012

Picpost: Kailua-Kona sunsets

Pretty much every night was like this.

Bitch and moan. Yep, it's another writing competition.

So I decided to go ahead and enter yet another one of those writing competitions that don't tell you what you're going to be writing about until after you've ponied up your application and entry fee, in spite of the fact that I've had horrible luck with them.  Last time I did this one, they gave me romance as a genre.  I hate romance as a genre.  It's sooooo predictable.  Adorbs couple meet cute, stumble through problems that could easily be solved quickly by just sitting down and talking about it (but then you wouldn't have a 90 minute movie), then eventually it all works out and they adorbs live happily ever after as the credits roll.  Thanks, but no thanks.

I want to write about bad people doing terrible things, and smart, good people figuring out what they've done and making them pay the price for it.  But because I felt like I should welcome the challenge, I did it again anyway against my better judgement.  And what did it get me?

Hello, Group 15.  You bastard.

And the thing is (whine, whine, whine) I can't even think of it in terms of Oh my God, those aren't marshmallows, they're...(dun dun DUNNNNN) BRAINS!!!  Because, sometimes that stuff gets splattered about when bad things happen.  But no.  Because this:

Feel free to interpret your genre, location, and object assignment in uniquely creative ways...we're looking for interesting and inventive stories. But also know that we won't be able to accept submissions that are completely off of the assignments you are given. For example; if your assigned genre is drama, a story that reads as an outright comedy will most likely be disqualified.

So, think outside the box, but don't think outside the box.  Get creative, but don't get too creative or you will most likely be disqualified.  If your assigned genre is romance, don't turn it into a murder mystery.  But feel free to interpret your genre, location and object blah blah blah.  So honestly, with those instructions I don't have the faintest idea in hell how much I can really run with this.  I just know that I want to and need to go nuts with it.  Because that's the truly creative aspect of it, and that's the reason I write.  To go nuts with it.  To tell a crazy and potentially disturbing story.

On top of all that, I think the thing that bugs me about this assignment (as well as the one I got the last time I did this competition) is that it just seems to lend itself to something so obvious and cliched.  Last time it was a romance in a bakery with a repair involved.  I probably should have gone the obvious porn route just for laughs.  This time it's a lovey-dovey couple roasting marshmallows at a haunted house.  How adorbs.  Roasted marshmallows = smores.  Smores, romance and ghosts.  What the fuck ever.  I guess I was expecting them to go the Chopped route and throw a bunch of things that don't seem to go together at us and force us to be really clever in pulling it all together.  That's my idea of a challenge.

Then there's this: NYC Midnight was kind enough to post a couple of previous winners and guess what?  Both stories involved murder: I See You, Santa Claus and Without Parallel.  So, my genre.  Also, crazy and disturbing stories.

You know what?  Despite the "color outside the lines but don't color outside the lines lest you be disqualified" instructions, I think I'm going to just run wild with this baby.  I mean, what are they gonna do - disqualify me for being too creative?  I'd wear that like a badge of honor.

At least I'm not alone:

It could actually be worse.  I could have gotten sci-fi.

Update: Written and submitted.  Detectives in love.  Turns out my biggest issue was the word limit (1,000) more than anything else.  Could have used 2,000.

These people have no shame. And apparently not too many smarts, either.

There's a group in Chicago who are all about the kids.  So much so that they've issued a spelling and grammatically-challenged pamphlet.  From the linked article:

Here are a few examples of butchered statements from the pamphlet.

“Call Mayor’s office and demand him (sic) to return the TIF money to our schools.”

Demand him? That sounds like something a three-year-old would say.

“Call governor (sic) Quinn and tell him to not bite on UNO’s fake shake up: 312-814-2121 or 217-782-0244.”

Um, the term Governor is a title, and titles start with capital letters, folks.

That’s just the first page.

Why is that a problem?  Oh, maybe because they're teachers!!!  And they have demands!!!

The TSJ document also features a cartoon with the title, “An equitable, high-quality public education is a human right!”

Too bad Chicago students won't be getting their rightful equitable, high-quality public education from this bunch.  No wonder Johnny can't read...or write...or balance a checkbook...or think for himself.  Neither can their teachers.

Luckily, today I stumbled across a palate cleanser to this.  Via Sarcasm and Too Much Crap, it's Teachers with a sense of humor.  Also teachers who actually put some thought into their work.  Here are my personal favorites: