Decades later, it's still the boob tube

David Frost: "Television is an invention that allows you to be entertained in your living room by people you would not have in your home."

Still one of my all-time favorite quotes.

California Crime Writers Conference: Day 1 (morning)

This weekend I attended my first California Crime Writers Conference in Culver City. The conference takes place every other year in the Los Angeles area.

Among the many things I learned today is that compared to other conferences I've attended, CCWC is a pretty small, almost intimate event. The entire thing was very contained and uncrowded. The conference was sold out, so it wasn't a lack of interest. In fact, I really appreciated that the place wasn't a mob scene.

Panels were divided up into four categories: craft, industry, forensics and marketing. Today I had three craft and one forensics.

"The F Word: Addressing Fear and Other Plagues of the Writing Life"
Dennis Palumbo (moderator), Tyler Dilts, D.J. Adamson, Terry Shames, Terri Nolan

Palumbo is a licensed psychotherapist whose clients primarily see him for creative issues. He has previously worked as a screenwriter in TV and features. Adamson (Glendale College) and Dilts (CSU Long Beach) both teach writing.

All authors were surprisingly open about their issues with anxiety, procrastination and other issues that interfere with the writing process. Dilts told us that the day he got the email confirming his appearance on this particular panel, he'd had a really bad writing morning combined with a wave of paranoia and wondered, "How did they know?"

More Dilts: At this point he's been writing for twenty years, feels like he should have it down by now. This was a sentiment I would hear from a number of successful and prolific authors in other panels. He also felt that for years he wrote due to a "need for rejection" to validate his already low self-esteem. After a couple of successful novels he had to readjust his mindset.

Adamson: Spent years wanting to write, blamed everyone else for her failure to do so, when she had the ability all along. Finally asked herself, "If not now, when?" (I would hear that two more times from successful authors before the day was over). She was plagued by a negative inner voice and still has to tell herself to "shut up and get up". Eventually she realized that she was treating writing like a hobby. It's a job. You have to show up and do the work, just as you would at your place of employment. She believes that fear of failure drives procrastination, so she had to learn to write without expectations. Seeing her in person, you would never think she had any of these issues.

Shames on the subject of "new project anxiety":  Her first two novels wrote themselves once she dug down to what she described as "the core", which for her was Texas. However, now that she's done with her Texas series, she has to inhabit her characters. She also said that not writing makes her grumpy - for her it's play time as well as work time.

Nolan stated that, "Anxiety frames my life." She also indicated that she creates detailed bios of her characters before beginning her books.

On the subject of deadlines:

Dilts: Love/hate relationship. Loves having them because it exerts a pressure that is useful and beneficial.  Hates having to ask for extensions.

Adamson: Needs them. Feels she's successful through the "anxiety of deadline". Her previous real life day job was extremely competitive and not meeting deadlines could mean losing high-profile clients, so her mindset is that missing deadlines is not acceptable.

Palumbo shared that when he embarked for Hollywood, his grandmother had sent him off with, "Try not to do anything that will bring disgrace to the family," then asked the panel how their families had reacted to them deciding to become writers.

Dilts: He'd spent ten years as an actor, so his family was actually pretty happy when he told them he was going to pursue an MFA in English.

Adamson: It was always a goal and eventually her husband and kids embraced it.

Shames: Was always a writer, even when she worked full-time. Eventually her husband suggested she quit her job and write full-time.

Palumbo's advice: develop a benign relationship with the writing process. Don't beat yourself up if you're not living up to your ideal. And in response to the ever-popular "pantser or plotter" question: embrace your writing process, whether it's tightly plotted or seat of your pants.

"The F Word Panel" L to R: Terri Nolan, Tyler Dilts,
D.J. Adamson, Terry Shames, Dennis Palumbo

"Thrills and Chills"
Diana Gould (moderator), Laurie Stevens, D.P. Lyle, Craig Faustus Buck, Paul D. Marks

It was standing room only for this panel. I ended up sitting on a ledge on the side of the room.

Gould asked the panel what elements a suspense thriller must have and how you achieve them.

Stevens: Has to be a page turner.

Marks: Cliffhanger at the end of all (or at least most) chapters. And they can be subtle, not necessarily a life hanging in the balance. They can be obstacles that get tougher as the story goes along.

Buck: Pace is important, and it should increase as the book goes on. Ramp it up. Surprise is a key element.

Lyle: Each scene needs to prompt the question, "What happens next?" And these questions need to be answered eventually. Dr. Lyle drew a big laugh with orders not to end a chapter with, "And she had no idea what would happen next!"

The panel on their protagonists:

Stevens: Her protagonist is psychologically damaged due to childhood trauma. He uses his own issues as impetus to keep going. She feels this helps make him relatable to readers because everyone has problems.

Buck: His protagonist has fallen from grace, from cop to trashy tabloid crime reporter. He's trying to write himself back to being a hero. But he also pointed out that in noir, the protagonist is doomed, he just doesn't know it yet.

Gould: "How much of yourself do you put into your characters?"

Marks: Depends. Feels there's a little of us in everything we write.

Buck: Tries to disguise it because he doesn't want to be too revelatory. (During the Q&A someone asked about the difference between revelatory vs. confessional and Gould responded, "Fiction vs. memoir.")

Lyle: All writing is autobiographical, even if the author doesn't know it. He also has a theory that there are two kinds of guys in the world: Those who have played football and those that haven't (at any level). Because you learn so much about so many aspects of battle on that field. That goes into all his characters.

Gould: "What is it about L.A. and noir?"

Buck: Believes film noir was born here because of the rise of the Nazi party in Germany. Hollywood brought in refugee filmmakers from Europe and once here, they made grim films influenced by what they'd left behind.

Stevens: L.A. makes a good character.

Buck: Broken dreams.

From the Q&A: When using true life stories/events, how much do you need to disguise?

Buck (his novel, White Heat, features a murder based on Rebecca Schaeffer and takes place during the Rodney King riots): Have to change enough to make it even more dynamic and flow better.

Lyle: Can use the story as a springboard. Don't be tied to the factual story.

The inevitable question of process came up, of course.

Lyle: His "outline" consists of a list of plot points, one sentence each. Each plot point becomes a scene. When he has about fifty points, he knows it works. He's not married to it and will make changes as he goes along. He also made the comment that if you don't use Scrivener, "You're out of your mind." Might need to check that out.

Buck: He's a "pantser". Described it as "inefficient, but fun". Said he is constantly rewriting. After he completes his draft he will makes passes for anything he's concerned about.

Marks: Followed Buck's comments by saying he was taught not to rewrite as you go along. Also, he writes his first draft in screenwriting format because it's fast. I found this extremely interesting and think I'm going to give it a try. This might actually work for me.

During the introductions, Gould mentioned Dr. Lyle's "generosity of expertise". Dr. Lyle has served as technical advisor to a number of TV shows including House, Law & Order, CSI: Miami, and Cold Case, plus he is the award-winning author of a number of fiction and non-fiction books. And when he's not doing all that, he manages to fit in his other career as a long-time cardiologist. I was the beneficiary of Dr. Lyle's generosity of expertise a few years ago when I was writing a CSI:NY spec script and wasn't sure if my method of dispatching a victim would work in real life. That story is here: In gory praise of Dr. Lyle.

Chandleresque

...down these mean streets a man must go who is not himself mean, who is neither tarnished nor afraid. He is the hero; he is everything. He must be a complete man and a common man and yet an unusual man. He must be, to use a rather weathered phrase, a man of honor - by instinct, by inevitability, without thought of it, and certainly without saying it. He must be the best man in his world and a good enough man for any world.

He will take no man's money dishonestly and no man's insolence without a due and dispassionate revenge. He is a lonely man and his pride is that you will treat him as a proud man or be very sorry your ever saw him.

The story is this man's adventure in search of a hidden truth, and it would be no adventure if it did not happen to a man fit for the adventure. If there were enough like him, the world would be a very safe place to live in, without becoming too dull to be worth living in."

- Raymond Chandler, The Simple Art of Murder

Heads up! "Jaws" on the big screen!

Via Fathom events, and you have your choice of June 21 or June 24.

I got to see it at the Alex Theatre in Glendale a few years ago (blog post here), and it was a blast with a live audience. I also came within one raffle ticket number of winning a copy of the script autographed by screenwriter Carl Gottlieb, who was interviewed prior to the screening. That was a bummer, but I was able to get an autographed copy of his book The Jaws Log, so that took a lot of the sting out.

Another Kids in the Hall list: The best of Season 1 (Part 1)

Update: Just realized this was just the first disc of Season 1. Since this is already a long post, I'm going to go disc by disc (three per season, the fourth discs are extras).

With The Kids in the Hall on tour, the internet has been inundated with "top sketches" lists. Since I'm seeing the Kids next week, I thought I'd binge-watch the series and make my own top sketches lists, season by season. First up, of course, Season 1, along with video when available.

"Ballet" (Episode 1)
Mark as the matriarch of a dance academy and Kevin as her supposedly most-gifted student. Favorite part: when Mark utters, "And one more thing. I'm kidding," and bursts into laughter.

"Oh God, I need a drink."

"Crushing Your Heads (Parts 2 and 3)" (Episode 1)
The first sketch to take on one of the Kids favorite targets: corporate drones. In the first segment the Head Crusher flattens the heads of said drones and a bike messenger. In the second one (no video) he goes after a Ralphie Parker-like child who earns his enmity because the kid wants to be businessman when he grows up.

"I just renamed your firm Merrill, Lynch 

and the Flatheads!"

"Cause of Cancer" (Episode 1)
Dave announces that during rehearsals the Kids stumbled across the cause of cancer. Spoiler alert: it's a not very contrite Bruce.

"I'm sorry I caused all that throat cancer and 

all that bowel cancer. I was just on a roll."

"Sketch Comedy" (Episode 2)
A listless Dave explains the art of sketch comedy with a "what if" premise...that premise being what if a man (Scott) wakes up to discover that his chest had been colonized by Spain.

"I claim this chest for Mother Russia. 

Good morning!"

"Womyn" (Episode 2)
Pretty much on everyone's list of top Kids sketches. The guys are playing cards when Dave gets a little emotional, leading to each of the Kids getting in touch with their feminine sides.

"I just want to have a period, that's all. 

Just one a month, okay?"

"Citizen Kane" (Episode 3)
Dave is trying to remember the name of the movie he watched the night before. It's a classic about a newspaper tycoon played by Orson Welles, and there's a sled called Rosebud, but he's insistent it wasn't Citizen Kane, sending Kevin over the edge.

"You want a mortician! You want mortician!"

"Country Doctor" (Episode 4)
Dave as a country doc with no sense of urgency whatsoever, so much so that the wife (Kevin) of a dying farmer (Scott) has to save him herself by literally fighting off the Grim Reaper.

"You know, Mrs. Parker's expectin'. One of mine."

"Crushing Disco 1" (Episode 5)
Return of the Head Crusher, who mocks and head crushes the beautiful people (and wanna-be beautiful people) waiting to be admitted into a trendy club.

"Won't those flatheads be a sensation, eh?

They'll say Nancy, who's your head crusher?

 Me, by appointment only!"

"Running Faggot" (Episode 6)
Scott (the troupe's resident gay) plays the title character, a not-heterosexual folk hero who helps a young'un (Kevin) care for his puppy and then averts an Indian massacre - among other things - as he roams the old west, serenaded by Mark and Bruce.

"Godspeed through Texas, faggot."

"Flogging" (Episode 6)
A couple of uptight executives (Dave and Kevin) head to the gym to blow off some steam. It's not what you think. The title is literal. (No video). "No, I'm serious. Pack your things and be out in half an hour."


"Can I Keep Him?" (Episode 6)
A young boy (Bruce) adopts a stray businessman (Kevin), but eventually has to reluctantly return him to his own (corporate) world. One of Kevin's best performances.

"Mom, Mr. Stevenson is sick. He's off his martinis."

Now on to Season 2.

It's shaping up to be a film noir summer

As part of their "Summer of Darkness", TCM is presenting the online film noir course Into the Darkness: Investigation Film Noir. Pretty much dream school, as far as I'm concerned. And it's free! What are you waiting for? The class begins June 1 and runs through August 4.

Oh, and this is happening: Double Indemnity on the big screen.

Twenty years old. And just bought her first farm.

In the Netherlands.

Kentucky and the Netherlands.

Can you refreeze meat?

According to Epicurious, the surprising answer is yes. But there are caveats. Article is here.

Mega list: L.A. oldest restaurants

Via Eater L.A., it's The Los Angeles Beat's "master list" of the oldest surviving restaurants in Los Angeles (and a few in Orange County). In nine-point type it came out to nineteen copy and pasted pages. I'm kind of appalled how few I've been to and am thinking about making it a mission to hit as many of the other ones as possible.  The ones I've actually been to:

• Fair Oaks Pharmacy & Soda Fountain (South Pasadena) - several times, and they have a great joke section of the gift shop.
• Greenblatt's Delicatessen (West Hollywood) - I'm not really a deli place, I think I ended up their after a nearby screening or some other event.
• El Coyote (Los Angeles) - It was a go-to place when I was temping in Hollywood and my boss would decide she was taking me to lunch. Both of us could get stuffed for twenty bucks. El Coyote is your basic rice and beans combo hot plate Mexican place. Good food, although I've heard terrible things about their margaritas.
• Mrs. Knott's Chicken Dinner (Buena Park) - Part of Knott's Berry Farm. Great greasy fried chicken and berry pie.
• Lawry's Prime Rib (Beverly Hills) - Years ago with some co-workers.
• The Derby (Arcadia) - A number of times with relatives (my family's from Arcadia). Once co-owned by jockey George Woolf, who planned to make it his next career after retiring from horse racing, before his tragic death in a racing accident. The restaurant has maintained its horse racing theme with a spectacular collection of memorabilia. I recommend the bacon-wrapped filet mignon.
• Sycamore Inn (Rancho Cucamonga) - The go-to place for company lunches at a place I worked for in Ontario years ago. I think it was owned by our company President's father-in-law or something like that. Don't remember much about the food.
• The Smoke House Restaurant (Burbank) - Again, a place I went to years ago, so I don't remember much about it. It's adjacent to the Warner Bros. lot, so I've drove past it countless times when I live in Hollywood.
• The Apple Pan (West L.A.) - Went there once with the Brother. We were seated pretty quickly, but there were a lot of people standing around waiting for a vacancy and I'm not sure how long I'd be willing to wait. The food was great and I blogged about it here.
• Factor's Famous Deli (West L.A.) - Again, not a deli person. Someone else picked it. 
• Bob's Big Boy (Burbank) - If I had to pick a favorite burger place, it would probably be Bob's. In addition to the classic burgers, they have great onion rings and their Thousand Island dressing is also legendary. There were a lot more Bob's when I was growing up; today the only ones I still know about in Southern Cal are Burbank, Downey and Rowland Heights (off the 60 Freeway). When I lived in Hollywood I used to go to the one on Wilshire, but it closed down to make way for a car dealership lot, so I had to start going over the hill to Burbank. There isn't one in my area - hard to believe I haven't had their food in almost three years. May have to head out to Downey one of these days.
• Miceli's (Hollywood) - One of my bosses took me there for lunch one day, warning me that the waitstaff were probably older than both of us combined. She was right. There's also another location over the hill on Cahuenga, near Universal Studios.
• The Hat (Alhambra) - When I lived in San Dimas I used to go to the one in Walnut. Great, greasy pastrami and onion rings. One of those places that gives you so much food you feel like you're going to bust, but the food's so good it's hard to leave any on the plate.
• Taylor's Steakhouse (Downtown L.A.) - I've been to the one in La Canada once, for my brother's birthday dinner. Exceptional food and service.
• McDonald's (Downey) - Like a lot of people, I've eaten at countless McDonald's. I'm not sure if I've ever been to this location, maybe I'll swing by to check out the old-time architecture when I'm in Downey for a Big Boy.
• Art's Delicatessen (Studio City) - See previous comments about delis and places I've eaten at once. Hugely popular with the entertainment industry crowd.
• Lucy's El Adobe Cafe (Hollywood) - Across the street from Paramount Studios in a not-great part of Hollywood. A place that I've wound up at a couple times at the suggestion of other people. Okay food from what I remember.
• Clearman's Northwoods Inn (San Gabriel) - I've raved about this place before. It's my family's favorite go-to place for any special occasion. Amazing food and service. Known for their cabbage salad and cheese bread. They sell the cheese spread at their restaurants and if you grill it, it tastes exactly like at the restaurant. They were selling it at Ralphs for a while, but I haven't seen it lately. If you find it at the store, it's totally worth the price. I haven't been to the other locations on the list (Covina and La Mirada) but I checked them off anyway.
• Gardens of Taxco (West Hollywood) - Went there a few times years ago because I had a friend who was crazy about this place. There was always a wait and they would serve extremely potent margaritas in the lobby while you waited, so a lot of people were bombed before they were even seated.
• Rainbow Bar & Grill (West Hollywood) - Went there years ago to see local bands I can't even remember. Don't really remember it being a restaurant rather than a club. But I was there, so I checked it off.
• El Compadre (Hollywood) - Went for lunch with some co-workers once. Don't remember being wowed by it, despite my love for Mexican food.
• Moffet's Chicken Pie Shop (Arcadia) - Have taken out some food items but haven't eaten there, so I'm including it in this list but not checking it off. Their sit-down menu looks delicious.
• Gladstone's (Pacific Palisades) - Great food, great location, right on the beach on PCH.

So much yum.

Advice from the web: Onion rings and fish

From Epicurious: How to Make the Best Onion Rings (they claim) at Home and Crispy-Skinned Fish.

Advice from the web: Cookies and steaks

From Country Living: The 9 Biggest Mistakes You Make Baking Cookies.

From Le Cordon Bleu: The Proper Way to Cut a Steak.

Droll. Very droll.

H/T to Holly Fisher on FB.