Writer stuff

Almost every time, although I have gotten a couple of stories out of really vivid dreams.

 

 

This also works for "Idea in My Head" versus "Idea When I Write It Out".

In honor of Veteran's Day

Really, there aren't any sufficient words to describe how to honor those who served and especially those who gave their lives to protect our freedom and our country. They are true heroes, and they get one day out of the year to be officially recognized. One day.

All I can think to say is thank you. Thank you so much.

I feel a low-budget horror film coming on

Headlines!

Police hunt 42 monkeys that escaped from a South Carolina research facility.

All together now: What could possibly go wrong?

As a writer, this is my answer: Everything and more!

Let's dissect this article writer-style, shall we? Bold mine.

A police search is underway after 43 monkeys escaped from a research facility in South Carolina on Wednesday night.

Police in Yemassee, Beaufort County, said the Rhesus macaque primates escaped from Alpha Genesis, a business that provides "nonhuman primate products and bio-research services," according to its website. 

 

Uh-huh. So, research animals. Check!

The monkeys were a group of "very young females" that have never been used for testing. An Alpha Genesis spokesperson confirmed to police that the animals "are too young to carry disease," according to police statement.

 

So they do primate "research services", aka testing, but 43 animals are living there rent-free without having been subject to any testing. And as far as being "too young to carry disease", we vaccinate infants. 

 

But denial of danger to the public is typical of the people in charge of the danger, and this will definitely come back to bite the spokesperson in the ass as anyone who's ever seen a movie like this knows, so...check!

"Alpha Genesis currently have eyes on the primates and are working to entice them with food," police said Thursday afternoon.

 

In other words, we got nothing. We don't control them and are hoping they get hungry enough to be dumb enough to be captured. Great plan right there. The comedic breather before the upcoming carnage. Check.

Traps have also been set up and officers are using thermal imaging cameras in an attempt to recapture the animals, police said.

 

Cue the scene where an officer is scoping out a monkey via thermal imaging, only to have another killer monkey sneak up on him and attack, dispatching him in a most gory fashion. AKA, The "Clever girl!" scene. Check!

“Residents are strongly advised to keep doors and windows secured to prevent these animals from entering homes,” Yemassee Sheriff’s Department said in a statement. 

 

Primates are smart in real life, and they're even smarter in movies. Either way you know they'll find the one point of entry you forgot to secure. Check!

 

Anyone who finds a monkey should not interact with it but instead call 911, it said. 

 

No shit, Sherlock! But for the sake of playing along, we'll have the idiot character who doesn't know the difference between domesticated pets and wild animals, only to learn the hard way he's wrong. Or it could be some chick from PETA who is just so sure she can communicate with her sister primates, who stupidly thinks that they'll understand her and bond with her, giving her the opportunity to save the day....only to learn the hard way she's wrong. But we know what happens to both of these characters - they get ripped to shreds. Lots of screaming and blood. Check!

Alpha Genesis did not immediately respond to an overnight request for comment from NBC News.

 

Evil, mad scientists stonewalling the noble media. Check!

The company secured a federal contract to run a colony of 3,500 monkeys on Morgan Island off the coast of South Carolina, also known as Monkey Island. 

 

And there's your title: Monkey Island. Also, THREE THOUSAND, FIVE HUNDRED MONKEYS??? Who thought this was a good idea. Damn, you couldn't pay me enough to work on that island.

The Post and Courier newspaper in Beaufort County reported that primate escapes have happened several times before in the area, including in May this year, and in 2016 when 19 evaded security at Alpha Genesis before they were recaptured six hours later.

In 2022, three monkeys escaped following a traffic accident in rural Pennsylvania.

 

So it's happened before? Have you learned nothing from the previous escapes? Of course not. They never do.

 

Outbreak, anyone?

Noirvember meets Calvin & Hobbes

The curse of procrastination: A writer's lament

I am a world-class procrastinator. If there was an Olympics for procrastination, I would be showered in gold medals. I would be on the cover of Wheaties boxes. I am an expert on wasting time on frivolous crap like social media and online games like Scrabble and Solitaire when I should be writing.

I'm not saying any of this to brag. I'm not proud of it, in fact I hate it. I hate that's how my mind works.

 

I don't want to be a world-class procrastinator, but hey, we can't always have what we want.

To explain what brought on this rant:

A couple months ago I decided I wanted to submit a story for next year's Bouchercon anthology. Getting into a Bouchercon anthology has been on my short story bucket list for years. The 2025 conference is in New Orleans and not only am I eager to return to the French Quarter, I'd love to be in that particular collection. And since the deadline wasn't until November 1, I had plenty of time.

The theme for Bouchercon anthologies (besides crime) is usually tied to that year's location, and of course, the theme for Blood on the Bayou: Case Closed is NOLA based or inspired crime stories.

 

 

Because I am very much a Southern Californian and not a Southern Lousianian (is that the word?) and I've only been to NOLA once (for the 2016 Bouchercon) I decided I would approach the story from a tourist aspect. What tourist think they know about NOLA and its culture, as opposed to what little they actually know and/or understand. And eventually I settled on voodoo and a gift shop.

One of the things I read for research is New Orleans Voodoo: A Cultural History, and from page one it's a real eye-opener about the reality of New Orleans voodoo and how the practice is portrayed in film and television. It's so much different than I realized, so I decided to work that into the story. I also read the 2016 Bouchercon anthology Blood on the Bayou to see what kind of stories they published. It was a terrific read, highly recommended, and I really hope to be part of the next one.

But first, I had to write an actual story.

By mid-September I had a pretty good idea of the kind of story I wanted to write. It was inspired by my personal experiences involving a greedy, problematic family member in the aftermath of my Dad's death in 2011 (there was money involved and that almost always causes trouble) and familial betrayal in general. And that's what I've been mulling over for weeks now.

 

Part of the problem was that I couldn't figure out the actual story. An idea is one thing. For me that's the easy part. Taking the idea and turning it into a full-fledged story is where the work comes in. 

 

But as September and then October went by, I couldn't figure out what to do with my idea.

The deadline for this anthology finally arrived yesterday. At the beginning of the week the story was still nothing but bits and pieces and notes. I planned on dedicating the week to finishing the it because I really, really wanted to submit to this anthology, my lack of progress notwithstanding. And for the first few days of the week, nothing was happening.

Then, for some reason, I woke up Thursday morning and the story was there. I don't know how or why, it just was, in fact so much so that a large portion of it was written by noon. I finished and polished it on Friday and sent it in around 5:30pm. And I was thrilled - mission accomplished! I even finally figured out how to do em dashes!

Usually two days isn't enough to get a story polished to the point of submission, but this one was shorter than usual, plus the whole story takes place in one location and in real time so I didn't have to worry about moving the action around. And I'm genuinely happy with it. I really, really hope it gets selected but if it doesn't, I've got a great little story for future submissions.

That brings us back to procrastination. My usual MO is at first I take the approach that I have plenty of time before the deadline. Until I don't and that's when things get ugly, and frequently the result is that I don't finish the story in time to submit it, or it's so badly written that it doesn't get accepted, or I don't have a story at all. Again, I don't know why my mind works that way and it drives me nuts, but I guess there's something in my creative subconscious that just doesn't kick into gear until the deadline is looming.

 

Hopefully, at least in this case, the journey goes from the frustration of procrastination to laissez les bons temps rouler! And for good luck, here's some lovely pictures from when I was in New Orleans for Bouchercon in 2016. Amazing city.

Cafe du Monde. Beignets = Yummers.

Typical (and gorgeous) French Quarter architecture.

Mule-drawn carriages in the French Quarter.

Voodoo Blues.

Morning skies in NOLA from my hotel room.

Happy Halloween!!!

Dragging out the comedy and tragedy punkins for All Hallows Eve!

 

Nosferatu (1922)

A few weeks ago we watched the silent horror classic Nosferatu: A Symphony of Horror in my film class and now I'm obsessed. Just in time for Halloween!

Max Schreck as Count Orlok

Directed by F.W. Murnau, this film was a German version of Dracula...except for the part where Prana Film, which produced Nosferatu, neglected to secure the rights to Bram Stoker's novel. They were sued by Stoker's widow and court ordered to destroy all copies of their film, but fortunately enough prints survived so that we still have the film today. I don't blame Stoker's estate for suing over an unauthorized adaptation, but thank God copies of Nosferatu survived so it could be historically recognized as the first great horror film.

Nosferatu is anchored by Max Schreck's freakishly controlled performance and makeup that rendered him unrecognizable. In fact, Schreck was so compelling and terrifying that an urban legend sprang up claiming the actor was a real-life vampire hired for authenticity. He was not, but this concept inspired the 2000 film Shadow of the Vampire, with Willem Dafoe earning an Oscar nomination for his portrayal of Schreck/Orlok. 

 

Some of Roger Ebert's comments on Nosferatu:

 

Here is the story of Dracula before it was buried alive in cliches, jokes, TV skits, cartoons and more than 30 other films...

 

Is Murnau's Nosferatu scary in the modern sense? Not for me...

 

But Nosferatu remains effective: It doesn't scare us, but it haunts us. 

 

Nosferatu has a 97% positive critics review score and an 87% audience approval score on Rotten Tomatoes.

 

From the film:

Nosferatu

Does this word not sound like the Deathbird calling 

for you at midnight? Beware of it, otherwise you will fade away

and images of your life will be shattered, nightmares will

quickly rise in your heart and feed upon your blood.

RIP Fernando Valenzuela

There was a time when I was a huge Dodgers fan. I'd been raised a Dodgers fan by my father and grandmother. I haven't really cared about baseball for years (decades) and I don't give a rat's ass about the Dodgers making it into the World Series this week. But there was a time, many Dodgers lineups ago, when I bled Dodger blue and that included the Fernandomania era.

So God damn, this one hurts: Fernando Valenzuela dies at 63.

What I remember about Fernandomania was that as I was stuck commuting in traffic on L.A. freeways after yet another day at yet another crappy office job, the bright spot in my day was listening to the Dodgers games on the radio on the way home. The commute was made bearable when Vin Scully would announce, "It's time for Dodger baseball!" And I remember that Fernando would pitch himself into ridiculous holes and then proceed to pitch his way right out of them, while I sweated his flirting with disaster in my car in traffic. It's an old memory, but one I've never forgotten and will never forget.

Credit

Recently I'd seen something online about Valenzuela being ill, but couldn't find any news about it, so I figured he'd be okay. The announcement of his passing popped up on Facebook tonight and I wasn't expecting that at all. Just horrible news for Angelenos, Dodgers fans or not. Valenzuela was a huge part of life in L.A. in the 1980's and now another part of that awesome decade is gone.

His presence on the Dodgers along with his amazing accomplishments on the mound were huge for the Mexican-American community in Los Angeles, but as someone who is about as lily white as they come, I can assure you it wasn't just that community that loved him. He was universally loved by Los Angeles and will be universally mourned and missed. 

RIP #34 and condolences to your family and friends from a fan from a long time ago.

84 Candles

If my Dad was alive, he'd be celebrating his 84th birthday today. 

 

 

Happy Heavenly Birthday Dad!

35 years ago today, the world lost one of its greatest athletes ever

Today is the 35th anniversary of the death of Triple Crown winner Secretariat.

 

I've said it before and I'll say it again - I don't think I've ever seen a horse more perfectly put together as Secretariat. One book written about him was titled The Horse God Built, and that's about as accurate a description of Big Red that exists.

 

Just look at him:

 

 

 

 

Baby Red

 

RIP Big Red Machine.

 

Pics snicked from various places on the internets.

 

Old school rescue story

I went to North Carolina several times in the 2010's (Writers' Police Academy in the Piedmont Triad area and Bouchercon Raleigh). It's a beautiful place with wonderful, down-to-earth people. When I was there California was still in a drought and I was blown away by how green everything was in NC. Trees everywhere. I just fell in love with the place.

 

Guilford Technical Community College, Jamestown NC. Former home of Writers' Police Academy.

 

So seeing the horrifying images of the destruction of Western NC and the decimated small mountain communities in the aftermath of Hurricane Helene has been heartbreaking. It's Katrina-esque. I remember seeing pictures of New Orleans after Hurricane Katrina and wondering how you even begin to recover from that. NOLA did it and hopefully North Carolina can too, but I'm hearing a lot of unpleasant stories online about the lack of government response to Western NC so far.

But it's like the story told by Fred Rogers - when he was a child and there was a catastrophic event, his mother would tell him to look for and focus on "the helpers". There would always be people stepping up to help. And it's still true. A number of non-governmental organizations immediately stepped up to help out.

In addition to the always dependable Cajun Navy (you can help them out here) a unique group is helping bring supplies to remote areas that have been cut off due to the destruction of the few roads leading in and out of their communities: Mountain Mule Packer Ranch is delivering relief the old-fashioned way.

I've seen a lot of stories of people trying to reach victims cut off from assistance due to the storm, but this one just blew me away. Pack mules. In 2024. Political leaders are nowhere to be seen, but these guys show up with their mules and get the job done. This part of the article especially got to me:

Sarah Haynie had fled her home in Swannanoa to reach her parents in Black Mountain. She was outside with her family, surrounded by downed limbs and debris, when a member of the Cajun Navy 2016 approached. “They walked up through the trees that had fallen over our driveway and asked if we needed food or water. And then they saw my two boys,” Haynie says. The volunteers returned with a chainsaw to start clearing the downed trees, and stuffed bears for each child.

 

“My boys lost all of their toys in the flood, we lost everything,” Haynie says. “The only thing they have are the clothes that they left in.” The volunteers handed Haynie $40 in cash, bottled water, and bags of food. “He told me he noticed our spot up on Ruth Street because his grandmother’s name was Ruth. As he was leaving, he had tears in his eyes and said, ‘This one’s for grandma.’”

 

Forget politicians. They don't care about the common man. But our fellow common men...they're the ones who show up when needed, and they don't do it for votes or photo ops. As appalled as I am about some of the things I'm hearing about lack of official action, I am heartened by the non-official action.

 

Happy Anniversary to the deadliest author in history

Murder, She Wrote was a hit television series that ran for 12 seasons and because of its longevity, this became kind of a running joke, that if you were anywhere and mystery writer/amateur sleuth Jessica Fletcher showed up, you needed to get the hell out of there because someone was going to die. This became known as "Cabot Cove Syndrome", named after the quaint Maine seaside community where Jessica resided. As described on Wikipedia:

Murder occurred with such regularity in her vicinity that the term "Cabot Cove syndrome" was coined to describe the constant appearance of dead bodies in remote locations. Indeed, if Cabot Cove existed in real life, it would top the FBI's national crime statistics in numerous categories, with some analysis suggesting that the homicide rate in Cabot Cove exceeds even that of the real-life murder capital of the world.^[13]

Image via that80sand90spage on IG.