Thursday, February 23, 2012

Trendy = Douchey, at least for L.A. bars

Some of L.A.'s trendiest and most well-known bars made this hilarious list: The 25 Douchiest Bars in Los Angeles.  I have a feeling if I met the list's writer I'd really like him/her.  Someone who loves their booze, loathes pretentious douchebag types and can make me laugh like a hyena?  You are awesome.

Some of my favorite snarky comments from the list:
24. Renee's Courtyard Cafe (Santa Monica) (Patrons) take shots right from the bottle because no one taught them how to drink in public.
22. O'Brien's (Santa Monica) O'Brien's is living proof that if you combine an Irish pub with a beachside sports bar you will create hell on earth.
20. Baja Cantina (Marina del Rey) Baja is overrun with very pretty people with very little substance. You'll find men in tight t-shirts who have trickled down from Muscle Beach alongside actresses/models/singers who forgot to pursue their career because they were wasting their time at Baja on terrible margaritas and said men in tight t-shirts.
19. Dillon's Irish Pub (Hollywood) The all-female staff dresses in slutty Catholic schoolgirl outfits, making it a great place for douchebags of all ages to come get their creep on. Dillon's is not an Irish pub. It's a poor man's Hooters.
17. The Rooftop Bar at The Standard (DTLA) Admittedly, The Rooftop Bar at The Standard has one of the most incredible views you can find in Los Angeles. Unfortunately, someone went and told every pretentious Hollywood asshole in town.
16. SkyBar at The Mondrian (West Hollywood) When SkyBar opened, it was the place to go for anyone in the entertainment business. Although its time in the spotlight has passed, the sleaze lingers. The ladies here are either waiting to be “discovered” or looking for a sugar daddy. There's more L.A. cliché here than even a season of Entourage could contain.
14. The Hudson (West Hollywood) (re: The "straight frat bros" that populate the bar): They're loud.  And they're high-fiving like roofies just became legal.
12. Brennan's Pub (Marina del Rey) You'll leave here feeling so dirty you were even in the same room with these douchebags that the IHOP across the street starts looking like the Four Seasons. 
9. South (Santa Monica) The bros at this Southern themed bar offer the best in vapid conversation and man jewelry. Stay late enough and you can watch these charmers turn into desperate drunken shitshows. The patrons at a real Southern bar handle their liquor with class.
3. Baja Sharkeez (Hermosa Beach) Los Angeles locals have been fleeing Sharkeez over the last few years. This bar has become a haven for naïve L.A. transplants and the South Bay's broiest bros. Frat guys and newly-legal girls love this place for the cheap booze and party-type atmosphere. Everyone else loves this place for rounding up the worst people on Hermosa Pier and keeping them there for the night.
1. Saddle Ranch (West Hollywood) Step aside, every other bar on this list, we've come to the very definition of douchey: Saddle Ranch. This is the bar of the douchebag, by the douchebag, for the douchebag. With the watered-down cocktails, overflowing toilets, and abundance of bedazzled clothing, you have to constantly remind yourself that you're a patron at a bar and not an extra on Jersey Shore. 
Do read the whole thing.  Seriously, as a writer, it made me insanely jealous.  There's nothing like hilariously sarcastic reviews of people, places and things that take themselves sooooo seriously.  I enjoyed this one immensely.

Hat tip to my friend Liz for putting this up on Facebook.

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