When first drafts attack

One of the best pieces of advice I ever got as a fledgling writer was the importance of understanding that first drafts are shit. They just are. The whole purpose of a first draft's existence is to just get your story down on paper. Then it can be fixed. It's not for public consumption because anyone who reads it (unless they're another writer who understands it's at a really raw stage) will think you're a crappy writer. Writing, as the saying goes, is rewriting.

Another thing that's been on my mind lately is to start submitting well before deadlines, instead of at 11:59:59 pm on the due date like I usually do.

Why do I mention these things? Well, because they've come together the past couple of days as I work on a short story for an upcoming anthology with a deadline of March 23, almost exactly one month away.

The story, which we'll refer to as Hollywoodland (because that's its name) was my submission last year to the Malice Domestic anthology Murder Most Geographical. It wasn't selected and now that I've dragged it out of mothballs to repurpose it for another anthology, I can see why.

It's awful.

Not the story, which I think is fine, but the fact that it reads like a first draft. No wonder it wasn't chosen. But it went out like that because I threw it together at the last second because inspiration didn't strike until the last minute. And also because I am a terrible procrastinator. Kidding, I'm unfortunately really good at it. Point is, because instead of giving myself time to do what turned out to be a much needed rewrite, I sent it out into the world in its sorry first draft state. I feel like I should apologize to the judges at Malice who had to waste their time on it. In fact, I will: Sorry, you guys. My bad. Won't happen again.

I got a lot of work done on it yesterday and a bit more today, and it's in much better shape. My next few days are going to be busy with family stuff, so I won't get to spend more time on it until Sunday. My goal is to have it whipped into shape and submitted by next Wednesday, the last day of the month. That will give me two submissions for the month, meeting that goal again. It also gives me some breathing room in March, because I don't have any other hard deadlines until April and May. I need a new TV spec to replace my Better Call Saul script that is now outdated, so that's probably next in line, as well as the next Sisters in Crime Los Angeles anthology, which is due May 15 and will need to be done well in advance so I don't repeat mistakes of the past.

Writing wise I feel like I'm in pretty good shape. Now if I could just get another acceptance, that would give me two years running. And would be fabulous.

Above image snicked from the internets. If it's yours, A) Great work! and B) Let me know so I can give you credit.

The Soup is back (sort of, with swearing) and it is glorious

Just watched the first episode of The Joel McHale Show with Joel McHale on Netflix and it filled every hole left in my television watching life since E! Entertainment (!) (?) horrifically cancelled The Soup a couple years ago.

In episode 1, Joel poked fun at Korean and South African TV shows (what, no telenovelas?), reality TV, re-enactment TV (hey, I've seen that episode of Married with Secrets), celebrity guests, his network and their programs, local news broadcasts and of course The Bachelor. We got our first, "We did not edit this..." and appearances by Jason Priestly and a couple of Joel's Community castmates! Even Mankini made a welcome return! And as an added bonus, there are no commercial breaks to fast-forward through. Win win win win win win, etc. Oh God bless you, Netflix. GOD. BLESS. YOU.

There are some differences. Joel is much more casually dressed and there's some grey in the facial hair. But the snark and humor are intact and that's what we always tuned in for. E!'s loss is Netflix's gain.

"The show Sisters Wives is about many things. Polygamy... Okay, it's just pretty much about polygamy." --Joel

There's everyone who thinks they're cool, and then there's this guy

H/T to Coastal Living on Twitter for being so cool.

Fer crying out loud, dreamers, I need my sleep!!!

Well, this explains a lot. The question is, who is keeping me up at night? And why don't they stop dreaming about me so I can get some rest? Dream about someone else for a change, this insomniac needs her shut-eye!

H/T to Coastal Living on FB.

Quarterfinalist in the Scriptapalooza TV Competition

Got an email today advising me that Scriptapalooza announced the results of their latest TV writing competition and I was thrilled to find out that my Better Call Saul spec made it to the quarterfinals in the 1-hour spec category.

Considering I never used to even place in these competitions, it's nice to see some results. Also, there were a total of 257 1-hour scripts submitted, so at most, only 10 - or at most 13 if you include the other quarterfinalists - were considered better than mine. Not too shabby.

My name in print.

Full results are here.

The life of a (young) writer

Snagged from the Sisters in Crime Los Angeles Facebook page:

With just one tweet, this guy explains why American journalism has become a partisan joke

When Grandmas kill

This is an old article, but someone (I forget who) linked to it on my Facebook feed this morning and I was riveted. John Reed at Vice writes about his grandmother, who he suspected of poisoning those around her, including family members: What Do You Do When You Think You Have a Murderer in the Family?

I think it hit home because my Grandma Loomis was an amazing cook (unlike Reed's grandmother). But when we got drowsy from eating her cooking, it was because it was so good we stuffed ourselves, not because she was poisoning us. But the writer in me immediately made the connection - a character whose food is so good that not only do people not realize she's poisoning them, but she's the last person anyone would suspect!

All joking aside, that's got to be a tough burden to carry, the idea that someone you love may have been a killer - and may have caused the death of your unborn child. Usually when I see these stories it's because the murderer was arrested and convicted, and it's all out in the open. In this case, grandma may really have gotten away with murder and that there's nothing he could do about it by the time he figured it out seems to have left Reed without any much needed closure. It's a fascinating read, check it out.

Strangers on a sitcom

Have you ever watched an episode of The Brady Bunch and wondered how Mike and Carol met, or what happened to their previous spouses? Craig Pittman at Slate has a theory about the show that was a mainstay of his childhood viewing: Mike and Carol Brady Murdered Each Other's Spouses and Married Each Other.

Hear him out:

But after a while a question occurred to me: How did Mike and Carol hook up?

The show conveniently skips over that question. You never learn what happened to Mike's first wife or Carol's first husband. The kids never mention their original mother or father. The kids' grandparents never visit after the wedding. Only once, in the series' pilot, did anyone display a photo of one of the missing parents. 

Clearly, something had happened to these two families that was so traumatic no one dared to bring it up. But what? Nuclear meltdown? Alien abduction? Evil clown attack?

One day, while watching another channel's afternoon movie - the Alfred Hitchcock classic Strangers on a Train - suddenly I saw, with a startling clarity, the answer to my mystery: Mike murdered Carol's husband and Carol killed Mike's wife. It was a crisscross killing.

Do check out the article, it's pretty hilarious. And besides, he could be right. It would explain why it was never brought up on the show.

Notice you can't see their hands? That's because THEY HAVE BLOOD ON THEM!!!

Submitted for your approval - January edition

When I made my 2018 goal to submit like crazy for publication, I had a momentary thought that one submission per week ought to do it. But that's probably not realistic so I've rolled that back to at least twice a month, and I made that goal for January, albeit going right down to the wire tonight.

The first story was submitted to a quarterly flash fiction ezine. If accepted, it would be published in April. I'm not sure it's exactly what they're looking for, but I guess I'll find out one way or the other in the next couple of months. It also pays a small amount if accepted, which would check the box of showing income (no matter how paltry) to assure the IRS that my writing career is in fact a career and not a hobby. Showing income was a request from my tax accountant last year, when he finally let me claim writing expenses thanks to finally being published.

The second is a short story submitted to an anthology. I would love to be published in this one, it would put me in front of a lot more eyeballs than ever before. And despite having just written it over the last couple of days, I'm really happy with the way the story turned out, so much so that I'll be really disappointed if it doesn't make the cut. This anthology also pays a small amount, so again, happy accountant.

Fingers crossed and on to February!

January Words of Wisdom

It is our duty to give meaning to the life of future generations by sharing our knowledge and experience; by teach an appreciation of work well done and a respect for nature, the source of all life; by encouraging the young to venture off the beaten path and avoid complacency by challenging their emotions. --Chef Paul Bocuse (RIP Chef!)

Tomorrow is the most important thing in life. Comes into us at midnight very clean. It's perfect when it arrives and it puts itself in our hands. It hopes we've learned something from yesterday. --John Wayne

I adore space. In the city, I want to push away the buildings with my own two hands and let the sky rush in. --Bette Davis

Having a character shout, "There's a knife!" will never be as effective as letting your readers hear the scrape as the dagger is drawn from its sheath. --Jane K. Cleland

And suddenly you know it's time to start something new and trust the magic of new beginnings. --Eckhart Tolle

True wisdom lies in gathering the precious things out of each day as it goes by.
--E.S. Bouton

Every artist dips his brush in his own soul, and paints his own nature into his pictures. --Henry Ward Beecher

First be best, then be first. --Grant Tinker

It's easy being a humorist when you've got the whole government working for you. --Will Rogers

There is something about a woman with a loud mind that sits in silence, smiling, knowing she can crush you with the truth. --r.g. moon

Hate. It has caused a lot of problems in this world, but it has not solved one yet. --Maya Angelou

It's okay to be scared. Being scared means you're about to do something really brave. --Mandy Hale

Beauty begins the moment you decide to be yourself. --Coco Chanel

The most common way people give up their power is by thinking they don't have any. --Alice Walker

Life without books is like an unsharpened pencil...it has no point. --Unknown

On particularly rough days when I'm sure I can't possibly endure, I like to remind myself that my track record for getting through bad days so far is 100%, and that's pretty good. --Unknown

The L.A. Times says the spec script is dead. This guy begs to differ, and I hope he's right.

Ken Miyamoto at Screencraft on why the LAT is wrong about the spec script market.

From the article:

Hollywood gets bored. Trends come and go. Once hot franchises cool down. Spec scripts and the screenwriters that write them push the industry forward into the near future.

Without spec scripts, new writers aren’t discovered. The article offers one misleading “fact” — that Hollywood is making fewer movies than they have in the past. The truth of the matter is that there are more movies being made than there ever has been…just in a different way.

Sure, the major studios are making less overall, but then you have to take into account what HBO, Netflix, and Amazon are doing. Not to mention the dozens upon dozens of major production companies that are producing amazing films outside of the major studio system — most of which often eventually buy them up for the distribution rights.

And because so many more movies are being made, the industry needs more writers to write them. Spec scripts that are discovered through the creative marketing of unknown screenwriters through queries, networking, contests, and fellowships introduce the powers that be to new talent. If the spec scripts aren’t bought and produced (most are not), the screenwriters that wrote them are being assigned to write projects already in open development.

So it doesn’t take a big spec script sale to make that screenwriter’s career. Those scripts work as keys that open doors into the film and television industry.

So no, spec scripts are not dead. Far from it.

There's a lot more, do check it out.

He makes a lot of good points about how the market isn't dead, but that it's simply evolved. I've heard one of the things that makes breaking into Hollywood with a spec hard these days is that the major studios are so stuck on tentpoles and superhero series, the scripts for which are assigned to established writers. This has created an atmosphere that doesn't seem to embrace new writers, but Miyamoto disagrees.

One reason I hope he's right is that although I've been concentrating on TV specs and short stories for the past year or so, I just signed up for an online feature rewrite class that starts next month. I'm using a rough draft of a feature I worked on years ago, then abandoned because I got stuck. I've wanted to have a good completed feature script for competitions, so I'm hoping that by the time this class is completed, that's exactly what I'll end up with. Funny thing, I haven't even thought of the script (entitled Catfight) for ages until my Mom mentioned it about a week ago. I dragged it out and looked at it with fresh eyes, and it was really illuminating. I'd forgotten so much about it, and now I'm excited about it again.

I'm taking the class through ScreenwritingU, which offers a variety of online screenwriting classes as well as an ongoing alumni community. I like the approach they use to promote their classes - they offer free webinars in which they go over the basics of their approach to various aspects of screenwriting, then offer a discount for the corresponding course. The rewrite class is $350 and they gave it to us for $250. Even if you don't sign up for the class, you still get a lot of helpful info via the webinar. I like what I've seen so far and am really looking forward to getting Catfight finally done. It's been neglected so long. Back in the day when I started it, I got very positive responses to the idea, so it seems a shame not to get it finished and out there.

I had a bad experience with my most recent UCLA Extension Class for writing an original pilot (a different instructor from my spec classes) so I was happy to find a class that will hopefully give me something I can use for submissions (like the Better Call Saul spec from my earlier UCLA Extension classes) for a lot less money - the UCLA classes are in the high $600's per 10-week class - totally worth it if you get results, a big waste of money if you don't. I'll let you know how the ScreenwritingU class works out. If it's good, they're going to be getting a lot more of my money.