Monday, May 9, 2011

Snarky awesomeness, celebrity style

Today's interwebz were an embarrassment of riches for my sleb-snarking self.  Consider the following developments.  I know I did.

CSI star Marg Helgenberger says two-time guest star Justin Bieber was an immature douchebag brat on set.  Stop hatin' on the younger chicks, Marg!  I kid.  Call the unprofessional ones like you see 'em, Emmy award-winning actress!  And CSI producers, seriously, stop stunt casting and start hiring professional actors.  Or just call it a day, if you're that desperate for attention.  Look, you've had your decade in the sun and your place in TV history is secure.  Bieber casting once just might be the television gods telling you it's over.  Twice the Bieber?  That's worse than the Grissom - Sara shark jump.  Hey, I'm not trying to be mean - just because I haven't watched in years doesn't mean I don't care.  If ever a show deserved to go out in shark-free style, it was CSI.  But Biebering isn't the way to go out in style.  On the other hand, this particular sad stunt casting gave the world this awesome death scene:

Okay, this might be a slight exaggeration.

Lakers crash and burn (don't care) and a sportswriterly type goes out on a massive limb and suggests that one of their players, along with his Z minus minus minus-list "celebrity" spousal unit and their lameass TV show might have had a less than positive affect on his play and his team.  No, really???  Because no one in L.A. saw that one coming. </sarcasm>  Although from that article, it does seem like soap-operaness abounds on the Lakers.  My guess is that there will be more Lakers related shitty TV before there's another title.  Don't care.  Better them than the Kings.

And finally, because I'm weird this way, I suddenly have an overwhelming urge to TP Sheryl Crow's house.  Why?  Because the genius who can afford a personal chef but thinks the little people should limit themselves to one sheet of the aforementioned TP per visit to the loo has "co-written" a...Wait. For. It...cookbook!  There's a secret ingredient joke in there somewhere.  Notice her hands are hidden on the book cover?  Also, "those pesky occasions" is my new fake band name.  In a perfect world, where I actually have some musical aptitude, Those Pesky Occasions would totally exist and totally rock the charts!  Please to be getting yourselves over to iTunes to BUY BUY BUY SO WE CAN HIRE PERSONAL CHEFS download our first hit, Don't Bogart That Toilet Paper.

Not bad for a Monday!

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