Double-fisted customer service fail

So a few days ago I bought something online, as I do frequently.  New vendor, same credit card I use all the time for online purchases.

The other night I get an email from the vendor.  My credit card has been declined and would I please give them a call to fix this.  The email politely explains that issues other than hitting my limit could be the problem and since I know the limit isn't the problem, I assume I typed in some of the info incorrectly.

Before I call the vendor, I look up my credit card online and see that the charge for this vendor is listed as a "Pending Transaction", along with a charge from Apple for some recent iTunes purchases.  So not only did I not type in incorrect credit card info, I've seen this status before so I don't worry about it so much as I wonder why the vendor got a declination notice.  I've had a lot of charges listed as "Pending Transaction", however this is the first time a vendor ever reported it to me as a declination.

So I call Capital One and ask why the vendor would have been told the charge was declined.  Unfortunately, what I got was a roundabout explanation that Capital One hadn't actually rejected the charge, but that the vendor somehow needed to respond with more information to justify it (????)

I told her it was legit but she kept insisting the next move was by the vendor.  At one point she suggested they cancel the first transaction and do it again.  My question to her was why this would make a difference, why would it go through this time when it didn't the first time.  In fact, that's what I kept asking her: Why was this transaction a problem, why was the vendor told it was declined, and most importantly, WHY WAS IT DECLINED???  I wanted to know and she couldn't or wouldn't tell me.  Even despite the fact that I was telling her it was a legit charge and I wanted it accepted and paid.  And I don't know if Capital One has outsourced their U.S. customer service overseas, but she had a heavy accent which made her difficult to understand to begin with and that only made her additional inability to give me a straight answer that much more aggravating.

In fact I was so aggravated that when she put the onus on the vendor yet again, I hung up on her in frustration.

Then I called the vendor.  Or rather, the obviously not the vendor company that is contracted by the vendor to handle payments but answer the phone as the vendor but are awkwardly and obviously not the vendor.  Okay fine, not going to tell you how to run your business.  But the billing company you outsourced your billing to should be able to tell me what declination reason they received.  And they couldn't.  And then they next morning they call back and inform me that the reason the charge was denied was because Capital One didn't authorize the transaction.  But they didn't say why.

All together now: WHAT. THE. FUCK???

So Capital One can't or won't tell me why they declined the charge, and the vendor can't or won't give me the specific reason they were declined, their sweetly worded email about how it could have been any number of reasons that don't include me being a big fat loser over my limit notwithstanding.  Both are telling me to call the other company.

So here I sit thinking, you know what?  Fuck both of you.  Vendor, if this is an example of your customer service maybe I'm better off without you and your product.  And Capital One, I guess you need to be replaced.  I've just added this to my to-do list.

Seriously companies, I'm trying to give both of you my money and my business.  How hard is it for you to embrace that?  Guess what - I'm done with both of you.

But just to cheer me up, I received an email from Capital One (or the company they contract with to conduct customer service surveys) this morning asking me to complete a survey about my recent experience with their customer service department.  Oh boy, are they going to get an earful.

In fact the only thing I don't know at this point is if I'll ever get the item I ordered in the first place.  I think it's kind of in limbo right now.  And at this point I just don't give a crap either way.

Updated 4/25/13: Apparently Capital One and the vendor worked things out - the product arrived yesterday.

Don't meet your idols. Not this one anyway...

Seriously, what kind of sick fuck even thinks up something like this, much less puts it in writing? (bold mine)

After Sedaris finished his monologue, 200 or more guests filed into a basement level "lobby" in the Ann Arbor Hill Auditorium. It was in here that I waited 2 hrs and 47 minutes for Sedaris to sign my one copy of When You Are Engulfed In Flames...

...Five years ago I started a small library of autographed books for my sons.  Currently they are 4 yrs. and 7 yrs...

...So last night I waited... 

I waited almost three hours last night for Sedaris to inscribe this for my two sons "Me cago en la crica de tu madre" or in English "I shit in your mother's pussy." 

My sadness and anger do not stem from Mr. Sedaris's lack of judgement or unapologetic humor, but from my own realization of a irreconcilable disappointment from a writer I used to really enjoy.

Sedaris is a best-selling and award-winning writer, but I think KBallen makes an extremely astute observation in her post when she suggests (again, bold mine), "Sedaris has always offered a digestible form of humor in his writing. Whether his humor takes this form in reality or whether his editors clean up his work before publication remains a mystery."  That mystery may have just been solved.

I haven't read any of his stuff, but Sedaris is considered a renowned humorist.  He is also an out and proud Gay, and I mention that because I think it's the reason KBallen's experience with him hasn't registered a peep on the internets.  That's right, the dreaded political correctness that I so despise because it's so hypocritical.  Seriously, if someone like, oh say, Glenn Beck, Rush Limbaugh or Ann Coulter crudely signed a fan's book with, "I shit in your mother's pussy" it would be so fucking viral so fast there wouldn't be words to describe it or means to clock it.  And rightly so.

And keep in mind, this is what he signed for a fan.  Not someone he had a beef with or was hassled by, but someone who waited hours for the pitiful honor of getting his signature on a book for her little boys.  And Mr. Creative Genius came up with, "I shit in your mother's pussy" for a fan who wanted to add this signed book to a library she is compiling as a legacy for her young sons.

And to make matters worse - if that were possible - Sedaris knew who he was writing to.  He didn't just write, "I shit in your mother's pussy", he preceded it with "To Emmett & Harrison".  He knew he was writing this disgusting crap to her children.  Fucking disgusting perv.

I've seen a number of my favorite writers (James Ellroy, Joseph Wambaugh, John Cleese, Carol Burnett, Anthony Zuiker and James Manos, Jr. off the top of my head) in person and not one of them disappointed.  I didn't get autographs, but I'd bet good money none of these people would have signed something so disgusting and uncalled for.

I feel bad for KBallen and I hope she burns Sedaris' piece of shit book with its trashy, rude and ungrateful sentiment.  She and her boys deserve better.  And Sedaris deserves shit.

Good news/bad news, Marina del Rey

The good news: We're getting a DRYBAR!!!

I'm one of those people whose hair looks fantastic when professionally styled and like crap 99% of the time I do it myself.  This place is going to make bank off of me.

Then I looked a few doors down and saw this unfortunate sight:

Beyond Scents is a great little gift shop with a lot of unique items, a lot of which are beach-themed, which I love.  I was shocked to hear that they're closing.  You can still order their scented products online.  The store was pretty much cleaned out, but I grabbed a sea dollar wine stopper, a couple small bottles of their oils (cinnamon and vanilla bean) and a few other small items.  I'm really sorry to see this store go.

I guess I'll have to drown my sorrows at the Drybar.

Happy Easter! Not so fast, Google.

This is what the Twitter hashtag #fail was invented for.  Yesterday, on one of the two holiest (if not the holiest) day of the year for millions (I think it's actually billions) for Christians of all faiths around the world, Google somehow thought this was a good way to mark the day:

Happy Birthday, Cesar Chavez.  Rise from the dead and we'll be impressed.

This snub did not go unnoticed by the internets.

There were some really beautiful images and eloquent sentiments all over my Facebook feed yesterday:

Some people went for humor:

Then there was the cold, hard truth approach:

The family and I had a wonderful Easter, capped by dinner at the always awesome North Woods Inn.  Hope yours was great as well.

The sweetness within

H/T to...can't remember where exactly I snicked this off the internet, probably Sun Gazing.  It looks like one of theirs.

Like - Comment - Promote - Share

Writers' Police Academy 2013 is a go!

But it's only a go if you already enrolled - WPA 2013 has sold out, less than 10 days after registration opened.  This year I signed up for the Driving Simulator and hopefully I'll have more success with that than I did last year with FATS (Firearms Training Simulator).  I was a lousy shot.

I'm also looking forward to returning to North Carolina and maybe spending a little extra time there this year.  Beautiful place.

The photo for WPA's 2013 Golden Donut Short Story Contest was released a few days ago and this one is going to be tougher for me than the last couple years.  Previous photos featured old, deserted houses and I was able to work with those because I love old houses and idea of the secrets they hold and the stories they could tell.  I find this one to be more cold and industrial, kind of stand-offish, selfishly keeping its stories to itself:

This picture is not speaking to me in more ways than one.

I was a Top Ten finalist in the last two Golden Donuts.  This one is going to be much more of a challenge.

Why the internet had to be invented: Video of a bird feeding treats to a dog

I'm not really much of a bird person, although I do like feeding the gulls when I'm out by the beach (they catch pieces of bread in mid-air if you toss them up).  But I love this bird!  I'm also absolutely boggled by how gently the dog is taking the treats from the bird.

H/T to Sun Gazing for putting this up on FB where I could find it.

Words of wisdom

If you've ever wanted to write an episode of the Twilight Zone, this is for you!

The Rod Serling Short Script Competition is accepting entries:

Entries are now being accepted for the Rod Serling Conference's Short Feature Scriptwriting competition. The conference is scheduled for November 2013 in Los Angeles.

The script competition is open to non-produced or non-optioned writers only. The deadline for entries is Monday, April 15, 2013.

First Place: $250
Second Place: $150
Third Place: $100

The Top 5 will be read by Carol Serling.

For complete rules and submissions guidelines, click here.

Serling taught at Ithaca College from 1967 until his death in 1975. Ithaca College is also home to the Rod Serling Archives consisting of television scripts, movie screenplays, stage play scripts, films, published works by Serling, unproduced scripts, and secondary materials. 

Per the official rules, entries should be "in the same genre and spirit that would have been suitable to conform with episodes for either The Twilight Zone or Night Gallery.  More specifically this means displaying traits of either a horror or a science fiction genre, while exhibiting strong traditional or contemporary social themes."  To help out, they kindly provide a sample Night Gallery script, Class of '99.

I was also thrilled to learn that the Rod Serling Conference will be in L.A. this year.  Hopefully the Brother and I can score tickets.

Updated 4/16/13: The deadline for entries has been extended to April 30.  And I for one am glad to hear it.

Just because I don't believe in karma doesn't mean I don't know it when I see it

Just posted this on my Facebook and Twitter feeds, but thought it deserved to be immortalized on my beloved little blog that no one reads:

Am I the only one who thinks it's hi-freaking-larious that Hollywood invites Michelle Obama of all non-legendary industry people to present Best Pic...and she has to give it to a film about a guy who busts his ass & risks his life to save endangered American Embassy workers in the Middle East? Argo is a great film, but it just had to win just for this!

Well played, karma.  Much more of this and I may actually have to believe in you.

AND WE'RE OFF!!! Short Story Challenge of 2013 is up and running!

The emails have arrived!  I am in heat (group) number 22 and here is our assignment:

Genre: Romance

Subject: Baking

Character: A repairman or repairwoman

We have until March 2 to submit our short stories of no more than 2,500 words in order to make it to the next round, where we will have a new assignment of fewer words and less time.  Followed by the final of yet another assignment and even less time, but first things first.  Let's get on this assignment.

There are 32 entrants in group 22 and only the Top Five will advance to the next round.  And despite the genre (not a favorite), I can work with this.  Because strangely enough this plays into a crime story with cooking elements that's been on my back burner recently.  And then there's this old cake recipe with a kinda creepy but awesomely moist ingredient...not to mention Grandma Loomis recipes (nobody could cook like that woman)...but I digress...

This is going to be a boatload of fun.  Huge honking thanks to NYC Midnight for sponsoring this and best of luck to my fellow short story writers!

So much fun!!!